Even though some religious institutions would like us to think otherwise, sexual drive is as natural for human beings as all the other bodily need and in the same way it should not be suppressed. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little bit of self-pleasuring when one’s single. Is it okay, however, to jerk off when you have a significant other?
Back in the days when I was in a long distance relationship I was a member of a forum gathering women in similar situations. One of the topics discussed was masturbation and the opinions were divided about whether it’s okay to pleasure yourself when living in such an arrangement. Most people thought it was okay to do so as long as your partner was involved (sexting or live chat) or if the masturbator was simply thinking about the partner. Some didn’t like the idea of “self-rape” at all and thought people should just suffer through till the partners are reunited. I was the supporter of it’s all good if your partner is involved in theory, even though on some level I felt it was downgrading the act of sweet love making.
The issue gets more complicated when the partners are not separated from each other. If a sex life is good, surely, there’s no need to provide oneself with additional entertainment, especially given that anyone I ever asked values good sex more than masturbation. Does it mean then that masturbation is a clear sign of sex not being good and the partner being dissatisfied? To be honest, I think it does. If additionally a person uses visuals of someone else other than their partner for stimulation it looks like there may be a problem.
Nevertheless, it being a problem doesn’t make it cheating. Let’s assume that a married woman fantasizes about her co-worker. Surely, that’s not cheating even if it’s not entirely cool. Even if she moves a step forward and masturbates thinking about him it’s still not cheating. Cheating would be an active pursuit of her lust which would involve the co-worker.
What a situation of that sort may signify is a loss of interest or boredom on the side of one of the partners and should be addressed. I can’t help but think that if the imaginary married woman only desires the co-worker sexually she shouldn’t even necessarily discuss this particular feeling with her husband. After all sexual attraction is a fleeting sensation for the person who feels it. It may remain a lasting wound to the person who hears about it, though. Ideally instead of waiting till she develops more interests of that sort, she should work on her relationship.
To sum up, I don’t think that masturbation in a “normal” relationship is cheating but is a bad sign that eventually can lead there.
Now Dear Rinser, please tell me what you think about the issue in the comments section. Is it okay to strangle the chicken?