Is there such a thing as too much comfort in a relationship?

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When you’ve been dating someone for a reasonably long time, especially after you’ve moved in together, you naturally get extremely comfortable with the other person. Is there such a thing, however, as too much comfort in a relationship? More importantly, is there a moment when comfort can become a killer of romance?

First issue that comes to mind are physiological needs. There comes a moment when you don’t feel weird anymore when your partner comes in when you’re peeing. You also acknowledge the fact that you both need to go occasionally for number two and when you do the bathroom doesn’t smell of flowers afterwards. You may be inclined to make all sorts of jokes about it and that’s all fine. Nevertheless, I can’t help but think that it’s a bad thing for the romance when partners poo with their door open or  enter the bathroom when the other one is engaging in the process.

Similarly when you live with your partner or sleep overs happen regularly you can’t look perfect at all times. Your partner will see you without make up, with your hair in an absolute mess and with your legs unshaved. You can’t always make the perfect wardrobe choices either. All these things are just a part of a real life and I don’t think you can have a true intimacy if you’re trying to chase perfection. I knew a woman who used to wake up every day at 5.30 when she was married to put the make up on before her husband woke up at 7. While perfectionism is not healthy, the same applies to bodily negligence. Superficial as it sounds, your partner partially fell in love with you for your looks. If you change from a well-groomed hottie into a hairy overweight monster it’ll be a strain on a relationship.

Apart from your looks in a long term relationship you’re also unable to hide your character. Of course on a first date we can’t immediately tell a person all our vices and expect them to deal with them but we should reveal them slowly but surely. In a long term relationship it’s simply impossible to conceal certain things and if we did a person may feel tricked. If you pretended to be A and you’re B, you may be in trouble. If you’re somewhat messy and he’s pedantic you can reach a compromise. You should remember to respect your partner’s preferences. Letting go of your behaviors and taking someone for granted is never a good thing for a lasting bond.

To sum up, there’s a fine line between true intimacy that helps strengthen the relationship and too much comfort which makes you see your partner as a different person than the one you met.

Tell me, Dear Rinsers, do you think there’s such a thing as too much comfort? Or maybe it’s an unwritten agreement of a relationship that one gets too comfortable?

5 comments

  1. If you feel this way after a few months of living with someone what would you do if this was 20 25 or 30 years with someone? If you think you’re comfortable now …imagine years later. Is there such a thing of being too comfortable yes it’s called taking someone for granted

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