As young people we tend to make decisions that don’t make us entirely happy but are good for now. Rarely in our professional lives do we start with jobs that we’re truly happy with. We still need to make the ends meet so we accept the situation for the time being. Relationships for many people seem to work in a similar way.
Some of us get into relationships knowing that they’re not good for us but we still go for them because there’s a strong attraction. Relationships with an expiry date, however, are these sort of relationships someone gets into because there’s no one better around. I used to be quite judgmental towards such arrangements but at the end of the day is there really anything wrong with them?
Human beings need companionship and affection. From what I’ve been observing people in these sorts of relationships of convenience are often happier than these constantly looking for perfection. Of course, it all depends on one’s idea of a relationship. If a person is looking mostly for someone to take places and cuddle up with at night this sort of arrangement works out perfectly. However, if one’s looking for a strong partnership and a relationship that works on all levels these arrangements will only cause them frustration.
My point is, it’s easy to criticize someone else. It’s okay if someone is our close friend and who’s looking for a deep connection but wastes their time on something that only works on a sexual level. Nevertheless, since the person is our friend we know what their definition of a (happy) relationship is. Often we don’t know what a person wants and yet we criticize them for not living up to OUR ideas of things.
What right do we have to judge others who operate according to a different set of rules that are alien to us? They’re content with what they have. With a relationship that’s good for now and if someone better comes their way they’ll move on. How is this pragmatism any worse than tears shed over a guy who treated you in this way but for whom you had “real” feelings?
It’s only when we act from the idealistic point of view of “real” connections and prince charmings that we can judge such situations. Only that so often, we ourselves got involved in the relationships that didn’t make sense and we knew it on some level. We just tend to idealize these liaisons because we suffered for them. Suffering, is what makes everything more noble in our minds filled with Disney ideals.
Is being pragmatic in the matters of heart really so bad? I don’t think so anymore. I think thOse that are aware that some things aren’t meant to last are better of than those who end up brokenhearted. I still believe, however, that in long term one should look for a partnership and a real deal rather than keep settling for band aids for loneliness.
What do you think about relationships with expiry date? Is idealism always better in love? Time for your opinion, Dear Rinser.