Shameless in ‘Love’

Woman-chasing-man

Love (or more likely lust) makes us do crazy things. And that is the beauty of it. It makes us throw caution to wind and move to deepest darkest Africa. It can make us sing Ed Sheeran in the street and ballroom dance down the aisles in Pick and Pay.  It gives us the courage to make epic declarations a week into an encounter which subsequently leads to major life upheavals and the purchase of a puppy.

In the aftermath of the terrorist attacks that took place in Paris, the city of romance and such, I think it’s important to celebrate LOVE and the somewhat crazy cute things it makes us do.  Events like this are a reminder that life is short and we need to take risks when it comes to finding our fairytale. But where should one draw the line and realise that there comes a point when those grand gestures we make when our hormones start racing at the speed of light have the potential to be hugely embarrassing? When does a bold move go from being sweet and endearing to making a person look totally shameless and more like an unhinged lunatic who just made a break from Valkenburg?

Life is all about taking chances. But even when we are caught in the moment risks should be calculated. For instance, reciting a Shakesperian sonnet to the object of your desire in a private setting is a move of minimal risk. At worst, he’ll laugh in your face which will possibly make you cry and lock yourself inside for a few days but eventually you’ll dry those eyes, put on a brave face and start searching for an alternative Prince. And then there is always the chance, he’ll sweep you up into his arms and whisk you off into the sunset.

However, there are other instances where people end up committing social suicide in the name of ‘love’. I remember once having to physically restrain a friend of mine as she attempted to chase the man of her ‘dreams’ around the dance floor. It must have looked like a scene from a Tom and Jerry cartoon and it did not end well for her as onlookers rolled their eyes as she lay in drunken heap crying as her beau ducked out of the club.

And that’s not even the worst of it. ‘Love’ also makes us blind of certain red flags. Say for example, there is a dude you’ve got your eye on and you’ve made some subtle moves, sent a bunch of flirty messages, fluttered your eyelashes but there’s no response. A weaker woman may admit defeat and go drown her sorrows with her girlfriends. But no, not you! You are in LOVE after all. So you decide to put on your sexiest lingerie, drag a buddy along for moral support, and pitch up at this jerk’s work place. Maybe he’ll go weak at the knees and have his wicked way with you? Yay! But a brief analysis of his past actions should indicate that he is just not that into you.

Anyway for what its worth, I am still a big fan of going out on a limb for someone you are interested in. At the end of the day, you can rest easy knowing that you gave ‘happily ever after’ your all. That way there are no real regrets as such.  However, it’s the nature of each individual move that we need to watch out for. Whatever you do in the name of ‘love’ try and maintain a modicum of self-respect and remember it takes two to tango so if the other party doesn’t reciprocate don’t be shameless and through your dignity out of the window simply to get their attention. Know when to cut your losses and walk away with your head held high.

OK Rinsers tell us what is the craziest/most shameless thing you’ve done for ‘love’? Did the risk end in happily ever after for you? Or is it just a cringe worthy story you’d rather not rehash? What are your tips when it comes to getting someone’s attention without becoming shameless and throwing all your self-respect out of the window?

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32 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · November 19, 2015

    I was talking to a woman once on line who lived across the country. She claimed to love me even though we didn’t meet. There she claimed to profess that she would move all the way across the country to be with me. She had a daughter so I asked what is her plan with her daughter, she claimed she would leave her daughter with the girl’s dad. Really? You are going to move all the way cross country to be with a man you never met and leave your daughter behind? I knew she was crazy at the point and cut off talking to her.There comes a point of making a fool of yourself isn’t worth it especially in public. I always had a rejection complex when I was younger …the fear of a girl saying no she didn’t like me, so ofte times I would say anything so I wouldn’t look stupid.

    Liked by 3 people

    • EnglishRosiee · November 19, 2015

      There is always an element of rejection involved. The risk a person takes can be the endearing part of it all. But its when you do bad crazy things and lose your self-respect that the problems start. The chick sounds fairly unhinged.

      The fact is if you feel you need to dump your child, get naked and send sexts or do anything else that goes against you conscience then you should probably come to terms with the fact that the person whose attention you are trying to get probably isn’t right for you.

      Liked by 2 people

      • bklynboy59 · November 19, 2015

        Once she said that I realized she was not right

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · November 19, 2015

        Yup. That shows if you make such a crazy move…the desperation will put the other party off in the end.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · November 19, 2015

        I often wonder what would of happened if I took her up on her offer. Not in a regretful way but in a lady are you crazy way

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · November 19, 2015

        It doesn’t bear thinking about. You saw signs of a stalker and ran. It was wise. I’ve dated enough overly attached guys to know it’s not worth humouring this sort of behaviour as it.only leads to way more drama.

        Like

      • EnglishRosiee · November 20, 2015

        Thanks for the link. It’s true. We should count our blessings really. It’s better to be single than in a horrible relationship.

        http://qz.com/474766/the-biggest-mistakes-people-make-when-choosing-a-life-partner/

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · November 20, 2015

        interesting link you sent me …good research

        Like

      • Sabiscuit · November 28, 2015

        Getting naked and sending sexts goes against my conscience and it is true that we have to work with the other person. Romance is a negotiation. The other person has to be willing to join us in the ballroom dance down the aisle. Great post. It’s interesting that I’d scheduled a similar one to this two weeks ago but had to postpone it for much later. I’d love to add a pingback to this post, with your permission?

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · November 28, 2015

        Sure you can that would be awesome….look forward to checking out your post as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sabiscuit · November 28, 2015

        Interestingly enough, the post is called, “Shame free Romance.” I love when my ideas line up with others. I had a great time reading your fun post and the wonderful comments. Congratulations on a superb job. Thank you so much for having me over. x

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · November 28, 2015

        Anytime…. We love stirring up discussion on rinsebeforeuse.wordpress.com so please keep on commenting.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. bac4sccr · November 19, 2015

    When doesn’t the thought of love drive us to do crazy things? I think your personality helps determine the level of craziness that you commit. For some putting a love note on her car while she is at work would be crazy because they fear not only the rejection but the thought that someone other than her may see the note. Yet others would plan a picnic, a walk through a tree strewn path when the leaves are changing colors and finishing it off with a hot air balloon ride at sunset, all for a girl they have never even spoken with. We all have crazy in us, just some are more comfortable with that side of us than others. Maybe that is why it works. If he is crazy enough to do all this for someone he does not know then he must be just crazy enough to love me…

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · November 19, 2015

      Wow. If anyone took me on a hot air baloon, I’d probably just marry them there and then 😛 Jokes.

      But remember all the things you’ve mentioned are very romantic kinda things but how about when people do more embarrasing/unhinged things/seedy to get the attention of somebody they supposedly ‘love’.?! Sometimes I think you need to be realistic about these things. Just because you send a guy sexts doesn’t mean he’ll leave his wife for you, right ?

      Like

      • bac4sccr · November 19, 2015

        Do you mean things like having a coworker who has a crush on you continuously say how your wife should treat you better and how she would never treat you that way? Or your boss making you stay late working with just the two of you in order to make a pass at you.

        I just thought that was the normal part of courting. Just joking, but I can see your point. I think there are two types of those people. One is damaged and just looking for anyway to feel loved or at least get some positive attention. Then you have the group who pray on those who are struggling. Both need help, but I have little sympathy for the latter group. They are like sharks who smell water and they do not worry about the devastation they may cause.

        Like

  3. zlotybaby · November 19, 2015

    Let me share my embarrassing story in full with you (first time going public ever). I was on a sex draught for two years after my fiancé and I broke up. I was in Rome with my friends and we ended up at a house of some guys we met in a bar. Anyway we spoke in the evening and then made out passionately till I realized that I actually want to have sex, because I’m young, have barely any experience and I just liked the vibe with the guy. Next day even though I knew I wasn’t going to see him again I felt all butterflies. And then I started to feel shit. So I managed to find him via Internet (I only knew his first name, age and area of the city so it took me two days). Then we started chatting and he continued sporadically. He claimed he was very excited to see me again as I was supposed to go to Rome with my friends anyway in a month. The day before the trip the volcano exploded and they cancelled my flight. My friends resigned from the trip. I went to Rome on my own which took me 50 hours with alternative transport. Meanwhile a friend of mine told the guy what’s up. He first offered to host me then withdrew the offer. I got to Rome he set up a date and never showed up. Apologized and rescheduled. Then he went quiet. I started talking to him he said he thinks he’s going away on a business trip to Naples. I offered I’ll go with him. He said he was going to stay in a room with a friend. I said I was going to have my own room. Then he just said he was going to be busy there. And then I clicked. That was all a bullshit story. He just decided I was crazy and didn’t want to see me. The good part is that in Rome I met another guy. That I went crazy about too but that’s a different story 😉 Either way, I was mostly crazy because whichever guy was in my life I always saw the positives only and thought he was the one. Eventually I grew out of the craziness and developed some self-respect. You can be crazy in love when in a relationship not before it, that’s my view on it.

    Liked by 4 people

    • EnglishRosiee · November 20, 2015

      Thanks for sharing this epic story #zloty.
      1) you were young, naive and in Rome (I personally believe being in a foreign land makes us extra crazy)…many of us would have done the same thing and got carried away. We live and we learn. I’m still getting there.
      2) That dude is an epic fucktard…you travelled 50 hours to see him and the fool didn’t get down on one knee and propose. Well his loss.

      And you are right. Avoiding shameless behavior is easier once we develop some self-confidence (hence my reasons for believing sex and real self-confidence are not intrinsically connected) but it all takes time I guess. .

      Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Alatorre AUTHOR · November 20, 2015

      Everybody’s young and foolish on occasion. You get a few mulligans. The trick is, not to be old and foolish. Thanks for sharing the story.

      Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby · November 24, 2015

        Yes, it’s all good as long as we’re getting wiser with age 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • Sabiscuit · November 28, 2015

      I enjoyed your story immensely. I don’t think that what you did was crazy. Men are different from women. When they’re slightly curious, they seem to go all out for us but what they’re really doing is trying to impress us and make us like them. When they’re sure they’ll get somewhere, that’s when they take some time to decide if they want to continue pursuing us. It is jerky of him to not come and see you but most people aren’t aware of how their presence impacts others. I imagine you have become a woman who is way out of his league and that he would not be able to bear the light shining off your beautiful aura. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  4. patriciamanning · November 20, 2015

    hmm, so I am at a loss at what to contribute…

    one time I wrote a letter to the guy I really liked… 2 years after things fizzled out before they even started. I had somethings to get off my chest, like how he was the first guy who really saw me before. Or how I wished I was not socially retarded at 18. He politely said, “thanks.”

    Then I built up nuclear defences so I would not feel this way ever again… fuck it’s hard breaking them down again!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 20, 2015

      Aww. That is actually a pretty cute story. You say ‘socially retarded’ but I think its sad that we lose this type of innocence with age.

      Speaking for myself, when I was in my early 20s – I was brave enough to tell a guy that I really liked him and give him the ultimatum that either he could have a real relationship and I would make things happen or if not he should just let me walk away. Basically, I wasn’t interested in the silly games. Luckily he didn’t just say ‘thanks’ but the risk was always there.

      Now, half a decade later. I’ve become part of these silly SHAMELESS games that people play. For instance, offering elderly trolls sex on a plate only to be daughter-zoned and put to sleep (again, not the worse outcome). I cringe every time I think about it.

      But you are right, these experiences force us to put up defenses which are very hard to break further down the line.

      Like

  5. Demetrius - Tao of Indifference · November 20, 2015

    Okay this isn’t a shameless thing I did, but a shameless thing someone else did to me.

    I met a woman for a date on a Saturday. Completely normal, thought we clicked, and decided, hey she’s not really someone I want to marry, but lets give her a shot on another date. Turns out she’s free on Monday and wants to see me. Date #2 ends with sex, in one of the worst sexual experiences I ever had (another story for another time). After this, I’m still optimistic and open minded and decide to ask her on a 3rd date, and schedule it for next Saturday. Tuesday, she asks me if I have any fetishes, I say no, and then she proceeds to tell me about her fetishes (Age Play, Being choked, Furry). At which point, again, just trying to keep an open mind. On Wednesday she asks me if I’d be open to a romantic weekend together…my response is more or less “meh”. Thursday sends me links to some weekend rental properties in a wooded area a few miles north of NYC. I don’t respond. Friday she tells me about a fantasy she has:
    “I wish that you had the keys to my apartment so that when I get home from work tonight you were in my bed, waiting for me, with my cats”, “Your cats?” I ask, mortified, and she replies “Yes, I have six cats”.
    There was no third date.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sabiscuit · November 28, 2015

      I need the full story … this is intriguing. First of all, congratulations on being an open minded person and giving her a chance. I salute that part of your character. I wish more men would be like you. As for the fetish part, I can relate because I had a guy spring that on me once. Everything he was into involved the risk of me dying in a grotesque way. I think he was trying to impress me because he really had no idea what some of the stuff he was boasting about involved. I gave him no more chances, as I realised if he had to make up preferences, I was dealing with a crazy person.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. EnglishRosiee · November 24, 2015

    Eeeeek ! Seems you got a little trapped with that one ! Craziness. It sounds like something out of a horror movie.

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Hopelessly Romantic Cinderella · December 2, 2015

    I know a lot about shamelessness. I’ve played dirty when it came to love. I found out an ex was sext-ing another chick so I posted all the pics of her all over the internet. She was very religious so that didn’t go down to well at Church. In hindsight I should have posted the pics of him as well…but you know these things won’t have as much impact on a man.

    I know what I did was wrong…probably I’ve sabotaged her rep. Oh well. I was fighting for my man at the time and she shouldn’t have messed with me.

    Liked by 1 person

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