Knocked up and planned parenthood

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You’d think that people these days know how to make babies and avoid making them when they don’t want them. In some parts of the world, there’s no sex education and no access to contraception, often due to religious reasons. In most parts of the Western world, however, especially the middle class, is lucky enough to be able to easily access contraception. And yet, I have so many friends and acquaintances who get themselves knocked up. How is this possible?

First of all, you never get a full story. As a loyal contraceptive user I get a fright every time I hear about an unexpected pregnancy. Because how unexpected can it be? Are they a victim of a feared by many statistical error? Did the chick forget her pill? Did the condom break and they didn’t use the morning after pill? Or maybe they didn’t use contraception at all? No one will ever tell you. They just say it was an accident and it finishes at that.

Second of all, I can’t help but be slightly upset with these people. With the costs of education, living and upbringing, children are a very expensive commitment. Of course once the child is already there one should do their best with giving it all they can. However, isn’t contraception not there to avoid having children before we can properly provide for them?

I can relate much more to honesty. I could understand if people said that they weren’t planning it but also they weren’t planning against it. I can understand people saying that they just became baby crazy and all they wanted was to have a baby. We’re all humans and sometimes our deep needs are stronger than our sense of reason. I also can believe that parents of a baby that was so deeply wanted will make their best to provide for all its needs.

What I can’t understand is the lack of thought behind the baby having. Not knowing whether we want it or whether we don’t, just going with the flow that could have been so easily prevented. Things always fall in place one way or the other but I don’t think that a baby should  be ever an experiment to see whether a relationship is strong or not. It should not be a test in whether we’re actually fit for parenthood or want it either.

Having said that I’m aware that not everything in life can be planned and that sometimes just jumping in and seeing what happens is a good idea. I just think that it’s better to use the modern inventions reasonably and to only start thinking about reproduction in a stable relationship and when one is quite sorted financially and not with your boyfriend of a month when waitressing through life and still studying.

Now it’s time for your opinion Dear Rinsers! Do you know many accidents of that sort? What’s your opinion on unplanned parenthood in the cases of people who have the means to plan it?

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35 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · November 17, 2015

    Wow what a post! of the 8 billion people on the earth I would say it fair to assume 7 billion (lol) were accidents or unplanned . I know I am overstating the numbers but you get the point , the great majority of us were unplanned, and the excuse is always the same …oops it was an accident when in fact it is a two fold problem, men don’t wear condoms and to be honest it’s nothing for a man to wear one much easier to put on and take off and please don’t give me the it broke excuse, doesn’t hold. That should be a rare instance not every time. All of this is part of the cavalier attitude toward sex in general and the lack of regard for not only others but for ones self.

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · November 17, 2015

      I think we should try to be as careful as possible. Of course accidents happen but we should try to minimalize them and owe them when they happen too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. EnglishRosiee · November 17, 2015

    Agreed…there are far too many unwanted babies in this world and I think this plays a huge part in why there are so many messed up people around as well.

    Some people make a mistake and deal with it properly. Having a child forces them to grow up. But others should never be allowed to procreate. But hey, countries like my homeland encourage this behaviour by offering benefits to those that choose not to use contraception and make the decent people in society pay for others mistakes and its resulted in nothing but a growth of the chav class. Horrible.

    If people put some thought into procreation we’d have quality people over a large quantity of generally, rubbish, messed up people like we do now.

    Then there are those women that are so despo to settle down that they ‘accidentally’ get knocked up in order to trap their man. Even if the man sticks around for the kid. It’s not an ideal example of a family for the kid to grow up in.

    Relationships and dating is complicated enough. Most of us really shouldn’t be bringing little people into the mix.

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · November 17, 2015

      Agreed. All I’m saying is mistakes and accidents to happen but let’s try to minimalize them and when they do happen let’s at least admit that we didn’t take the necessary precautions.

      Like

  3. bklynboy59 · November 17, 2015

    Sad thing is most of this revolves around laziness and bat attitudes.

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · November 17, 2015

      It’s funny how these people are full of energy when it comes to having sex but suddenly they have chronic fatigue syndrome when it comes to using contraception and looking after their unwanted babies.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. makupsy · November 17, 2015

    Interesting article you wrote here. Let me share my two cents on this one. When I got sexually active the only contraceptive method I knew about was condoms and so I used those religiously. I never got an informed sex talk from my mum or sisters, or aunts or whoever is supposed to do the sex talking. You can read about it here >>https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2015/05/27/the-birds-the-bees/
    ANYWAYS, later on i met a guy i fell so deeply in love with and condoms and common sense went straight out the window after that. Our only method of contraception then became withdrawal and the morning after, (too much information i know) but guess what, that led to me falling pregnant and I can safely say I should have seen it coming, your body can only take so much emergency contraceptive for so long.
    And yes, bringing a little someone into the world was a blessing but came with headaches that could have been avoided if I had known more about contraceptive methods.

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · November 17, 2015

      Thank you for the reply! This is the sort of honesty that I rarely hear from people. I really believe in contraception and informed choice. As you said a child is a blessing but good timing is important too! Parents should talk about these things with the children even if it’s embarrassing for both sides.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. patriciamanning · November 17, 2015

    What about the culture of around “giving your girlfriend a baby?” Masculinity is often tied to ones ability to produce offspring, that much to actually fathering the child after. Or the theory that it is a reflection of survival of the fittest? When life expectancy is low, baby making is high!

    There is also the back up plan that planned parenthood is underfire for: abortion or termination of pregnancy (TOP). Accidents do happen, but carrying a baby to term that you are unable to support, just not fucking ready for, and will enormously mess up is a choice. What about making the extremely difficult decision of stopping that before it happens?

    Like

    • zlotybaby · November 17, 2015

      Masculinity should be tied to the ability of supporting a child and not of making one. I’m not s supporter of abortion. I think it’s an option in some cases, for instance when a child really wouldn’t be wanted or cannot be supported. However, I consider that it should be only the last resort. If people used contraception as they should it wouldn’t be happening that often.

      Like

    • EnglishRosiee · November 18, 2015

      Abortion is a better option than bringing an unwanted little person into the world. However, the problem arises when people become desensitized and start to see abortion as a form of contraception. It should be a last resort…and hopefully something that people don’t do more than once.

      And men can go about asserting their masculinity any which way they like – drinking 100 pints of beer or impregnating millions of women all over the world. And the end of the day, its the women that are forced to deal with the consequences (whether its having the baby or having the abortion) so although it may seem unfair, I think its the woman who needs to think twice before spreading her legs.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. bklynboy59 · November 17, 2015

    Masculinity should be about how you take care of your child or children not beating on your chest about you knocked up someone . Totally agree with you on his point. Again great post

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · November 18, 2015

      Thank you!

      Like

  7. rinsebeforeuse · November 18, 2015

    An avid reader who wishes to remain anonymous send us this this interesting perspective on the issue. What do you think #zlotybaby : https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/why-i-never-should-have-had-eight-children

    Like

    • zlotybaby · November 18, 2015

      I think we don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore. I think that blaming on God or attributing to him is as harmful as being reckless. Both mean you don’t take responsibility for you choices. This is my opinion about what this lady is saying. Does the avid reader avoid contraception in his or her life? Or only shouts about how it should be done? Is he/she a father/mother of a numerous family?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. EnglishRosiee · November 18, 2015

    Have to agree with you #zloty. The family in this article seem to be a nice, wholesome, church-going bunch. I am sure the Dad is the CEO of some million dollar family so he could afford to support the family and give them a decent standard of living.

    So discouraging ideas about having unnecessary kids is the devils work, hey? How about when people who can’t afford to look after children or actually don’t have the ability to care for a little person (i’m not talking can’t change a nappy, but more along the lines of mummy is drug addict who is going to spend her last rand on her next hit instead of nappies for the kid) procreate and then leave these kids to their own devices resulting in them having no discipline and turning to a life of crime, etc? Surely, creating such problem people for society is more in line with the devil’s work than the use of contraception/abortion? Not saying all unwanted babies become drug merchants/rapists/bad adults but I’m sure lack of parenting and resources are major contributing factors to such things.

    Like

    • zlotybaby · November 18, 2015

      I agree. Unfortunately you cannot reason with the people from team God. They will tell you that these people who are drug addicts already accepted the devil by being addicts instead of listening to God. Anyway, how the framework works is whatever goes well is thanks to God and whatever goes wrong is because we acted against his will OR it actually makes sense in a bigger plan. You can’t reason with these people. I’d say abortion is an imperfect solution in an imperfect world while contraception is the way forward. I wonder whether these people go to doctors. If use of contraception is wrong I assume we must be all natural?

      Liked by 1 person

    • 333smp · November 19, 2015

      I know this family and the husband is not a CEO of a million dollar company…. Just FYI.

      My opinions fall to the right of most of the commenters here. But I don’t mind. I love reading everyone’s different thoughts and view points. Thank you all for sharing and great topic Zloty!!!

      Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · November 19, 2015

        Fair enough. I made an assumption based on the family portrait.

        But you understand the point I was getting at….I gather this is a pretty sorted family in grand scheme of things. The fact she has taken the time to write this article shows that she has actually put some thought into whether or not to have so many children. But that is not the case with the majority of people who have crazy amounts of kids.

        Anyway we appreciate different opinions so keep them coming.

        Liked by 1 person

      • 333smp · November 19, 2015

        I do totally understand your point. I would guess that if we took all of the people with 6+ children (my family had 6) and looked at who could care for/support such a large family…. It would probably be broken down by education and socioeconomic class. As terrible as that sounds, I’ll bet it’s the case. And you’re right…. Families like Mrs. Miller’s and mine put a lot of thought into this kind of decision and I know there are those who do not. I think education and access to services/information is probably the key to a lot of this. Some women/families just don’t have the same opportunities as others. Hopefully, one day that will change. Thank you for always having such great discussion over here!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · November 19, 2015

        I also don’t like the fact that she’s so harsh towards people who may decide to have less children. I understand that coming from a religious point of view it may be difficult to understand that there is a choice at all (the use of contraception). However, it’s only extreme Christianity that’s totally against it. I feel that people can have as many children as they please as long as they can provide for them properly.

        Liked by 1 person

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