Pushing the Boundaries: How much ‘sexperience’ does one really need?

boundaries

It’s not easy being a prude in this age of promiscuity. In my mind, while one may not be ready to settle down/settle just yet, playing the field doesn’t necessarily mean a girl should lose all her inhibitions and go completely crazy doing everything with a pulse and trying every new-fangled sex craze known to man.

As I was saying in my last post, when it comes to relationships, dating and such, people have lots of options to explore these days. A while ago, I was told that it was important to fully explore all avenues before I even considered a relationship never mind the whole marriage and babies thing. I see the logic, especially when you look at our elders’ generation, where people settled down early but subsequently felt the needed to broaden their horizons later in life by joining Ashley Madison. I guess it makes sense to get all those sexperiences out of the way before you choose a more vanilla type of lifestyle.

However, the problem as I see it is that there really are too many sexperience options out there. Whether it’s that we have a whole tinderverse of people ready for a hook-up with just a simple swipe on your smart phone or the fact that the more ‘adventurous’ types can now try out things that go beyond even the world of Christian Grey. From beastiality, swinger’s parties and sex toys to a romp on top of Table or a little affair with your best friend’s grandfather… both men and women today seem to be pushing the boundaries.

In all areas of life, people are in competition with one another to have bigger(!) and better experiences. If it’s not about who can go the most exotic holiday, it’s about who has the craziest sexperience story to share with the world (as I said, with fewer boundaries these days, it won’t be too shocking to find people oversharing their sex business all over Facebook).

While I’ve become a fan of making the most of one’s single time as opposed to crying about the lack of marriage material available, I think it’s important to question where one must draw the line. It’s one thing sitting around a map and making ‘around the world in 80 shags’ jokes as you tick off the country of origin for each of your bedroom conquests but how about when you push these boundaries too far and people start getting hurt?

Being young, free and single it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling indestructible and not stopping to think about the consequences. For instance, a girl may think being the Other Woman is all fun and games and another sexperience to tick off her list of dreams – but has she stopped to think about the wife and kids that he has left crying at home?

And how about the damage that chasing all these weird and wonderful sexperiences does to a person’s self-respect? How about when you have to start hiding your perverse antics from your friends because it becomes too much for their fragile minds to handle and all they do it roll their eyes and judge you?

So rinsers tell us your thoughts. Are people these days becoming too obsessed with pushing the boundaries? Does our hook-up culture simply encourage such behaviour? Is having an open-mind when it comes to bedroom department always a good thing or is it sometimes best to incorporate an element of prudishness?

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25 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · November 12, 2015

    Hmm interesting questions you asked at the end. You often refer to yourself as prude Why? And you can’t compare yourself to those around you when it comes to sexperience you may never live up (or Down ) to the depraved life styles of the sexperienced, so it comes down to your values not someone else’s .

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 12, 2015

      I refer to myself as a prude because I feel like compared to most of the singletons of my generation who are big on hook-ups and such I am. I personally don’t see the point of meaningless hook-ups (no judgement on those that do) but I am a little bit more concerned with finding significant connections with people rather than simply ripping their clothes off. I’m that ‘weirdo’ who sits around discussing the meaning of life with a guy instead of opting for a round of bedroom acrobatics on the first ‘date’.

      It does come down to your own values…but society’s values also effect a persons behaviour. Its almost as if people want to do more and more crazy things because it’s like some sort of great achievement to have tried every position of the karma sutra. I find people are chasing more and more scandalous fantasies (doing the oldest man in the village, having an orgy, or having sex with a dog seem to be featuring on more and more sexual bucket lists these days). It’s all fun and games I guess till someone gets hurt or it becomes public knowledge that you are into some weird kinky stuff and everyone starts to judge you or maybe eventually you start to judge yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · November 12, 2015

        sex with dogs? really?? yuck! That’s disgusting

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · November 12, 2015

        Lol! Yup it happens – just google it.

        But it’s a question of where we draw the line. People are chasing these supposed ‘fantasies’…it starts of fairly innocent a girl wants to get it on with a man old enough to be her grandfather, that gets boring…so how about a threesome? an orgy? Next thing you know BOOM there is an incident with a dog and some peanut butter !

        Liked by 2 people

      • bklynboy59 · November 12, 2015

        Gross , and more gross …and no I will not google it …too much information lol that I don’t need to know.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · November 13, 2015
  2. liveclarelesley · November 12, 2015

    While I believe “to each their own” I think it’s really important that people do what that feel is righ and good for them. Not what they think is right and good for them. Society can have the fun it wants. I’m not a prude because I don’t subscribe.
    I feel most people don’t know whom they are or what they want and don’t want to be “alone.” However, when I was single I only ever felt alone on a date I didn’t feel connected to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 16, 2015

      I agree loneliness plays a big role in people pushing the boundaries. I think its coming to a point where people are willing to do things they may not necessarily be comfortable with simply to have some company. Its a bit sad really. And if its loneliness that pushes you do something with someone. I guess that someone is not really going to be the right person rather a distraction from the loneliness.

      Easier said than done, I know but I guess its important to find alternative distractions from the loneliness. Sexperiences probably aren’t the healthiest distractions. How about when the swingers part comes to an end, when that granddad gets up early to go collect his pension monies or the dog runs away to a better person who’ll feed them more peanut butter 😉 The bed is once again a cold and lonely place. I think it might just be easier to take up a new hobby – join a knitting circle (meet more silver foxes if that’s your thing), salsa lessons or train for a marathon – just a few ideas for those continually searching for the next sexperience 😉

      Like

  3. violetonlineisonline · November 12, 2015

    Well. I draw the line at bestiality as does EVERYONE! Eeeew. But apart from that, and anything illegal obviously, there are so many kinds of people in this world. There is something for everyone. As human beings, we are not here to judge. We are here to do what works for us. So if some are into swinging and others are into affairs and others into monogamy, it’s all okay. As long as you do what you want to do and what makes you feel okay. Also, remember to take with a pinch of salt a lot of the bullshit that you read out there. that is all i have to say! go forth and enjoy…

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 16, 2015

      Hmmm. I think what people often forget when they are chasing the next sexperience is that such things are never just about YOU. It takes two (or more) to tango and we are all consenting adults maybe if we took the time to get to know people, without jumping into bed straight away we’d sometimes realise that our actions may only serve to damage an already broken person. Not always, just sometimes but you get what I am saying.

      Then take affairs for instance. One person may get their adrenaline rush from sneaking around but how about if/when the partner at home finds out and the kids. It might seem all fun and games but beyond the judgement our actions do have consequences that effect people that we supposedly should care about.

      Like

  4. Dan Alatorre AUTHOR · November 12, 2015

    Sex and exploration of sexuality is just like anything else. Some people love food and become chefs, some people love food and become fat. Some guys are good at sports and pursue it to a career as a professional athlete and some become broadcasters of professional athletes’ games.

    Most don’t do either.

    What works is what works for you. Most of us don’t become chefs or pro athletes, but when it comes to sex, most of us try a few potential mates out before we walk down the aisle, and in the great tradition of the bell shaped curve, a few will be virgins when that make that trip, and a few will be well traveled road warriors with the battle scars (and penicillin shots) to prove it.

    But most of us will be somewhere in the middle.

    When I was young and innocent, I was a bit shy and didn’t really understand how things worked in some social arenas. I had plenty of friends in high school, in all the different cliques, but it was a small town and a SMALL school (graduating class of 200). Girls found me attractive in high school but I didn’t date much. I took dates to the junior and senior proms and homecomings; I was even voted onto the prom court, but I didn’t have a girlfriend in high school, and didn’t have sex until I was in college.

    Then, the doors opened and things went crazy. The girls in college didn’t go to my small catholic high school, and they sure didn’t live in my small home town. They were tall and short and blonde and brunette and redhead, and they cute, a LOT of them, and a lot of them thought I was cute, too.

    A lot.

    I was a kid in a candy store. I partied and bedded women like it was going out of style. Occasionally I’d date one girl for a year or so, and then that would run its course and I’d be back in the candy store.

    It was even more the case when I graduated. I worked with several guys who were former college football players at University of Miami (FL), and they knew all the good clubs. Sometimes going out with them was like being the invisible man, though, because they were big, athletic, and good looking. But I watched and I learned and I figured out the new candy store. And there was a steady stream of candy that wanted to go home with me there, too.

    It was a great time – for that time in my life.

    Yeah, yeah, you were a stud. We get it.

    Hold on, bear with me. I had tried several things, hadn’t I? The good boy in high school, the bad boy in college, and the player post grad. Which was me?

    Well, of course, they all were, at the time I was doing it. The college me wanted to go back and be with all the girls from high school. (So many girls connected with me after high school and admitted they had a crush on me IN high school! I was like, why didn’t you say something??? I had no idea.) But you can’t go back, and it’s probably better if you don’t.

    The college me loved being the college me, and the professional me enjoyed being that.

    And then one day I started graduate school for an MBA and found the love of my life. Everything changed. Almost instantly, I wanted to marry that girl – if she’d have me.

    But who was I?

    I was the guy who evolved from the shy guy to the stud to… what exactly?

    To the guy who could just close a chapter one that aspect of his life and start a new adventure with one person? Really?

    Well, there’ll be temptations…. And there were. No biggie; I was strong.

    There were regrets… occasionally. We worked through it. Nothing major.

    There was a life built on mutual trust and respect and love, and a team bond that was worth the wait and worth the investment. After we added a kid to the mix, I felt like I’d won the lottery.

    Validation means different things to different people, and I was different people at different stages in my life, seeking different types of validation. I’d like to think I could not be who I am today had I not had the skirt chasing days, but that’s crap. I was like a fat guy going crazy at an all you can eat buffet. I figured, this might last forever and if it does, it’s great, but if it doesn’t, I wanna try it all and not wonder what if.

    But there’s always a what if.

    If you’re with the blonde, you can’t be with the redhead – and yeah, with a few Penthouse Forum type rare occurrences you can be with both but as a matter if course, no. Being with lots of girls means that the quality girls who want to only be with one guy won’t be with you.

    Eventually, if you want to be with a quality girl, you figure that out. Then things change. I was lucky. With some work and honesty, everyone else can be that lucky, too.

    Depending on when you knew me, I want to say it’s great to see you! Or, I’m very very sorry. Or, please don’t slap me.

    But we were all young and foolish once. The trick is not to end up old and foolish. My best friend in high school was very similar to me in high school. He stayed that way, was a virgin on his wedding night, married a virgin, and had a lot of great kids. He and his wife are more in love today than the day they walked down the aisle.

    So am I.

    We just took VERY different paths to get there. His worked for him; mine – luckily – worked for me.

    Why’d I tell you all this? Yes, it was a fun walk down memory lane, but my path would not have worked for my high school best friend. His path wouldn’t have worked for me.

    I don’t like taking advice from people who haven’t been there and done that, so I told you how I’d been there and done that.

    Your path will work for you, and if it isn’t feeling right or stops feeling right, you’ll change it. Hopefully you’ll be smarter about it than I was, but even I turned out okay.

    Trust yourself to make good decisions and forgive yourself when you make bad ones.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 16, 2015

      Thanks for the EPIC comment. I loved your food analogy.

      I get your ‘different strokes for different folks’ argument . But I just worry a little about society in general and prevalence of hook up culture and the fact that we can all say sexperiences are important and help us develop as people, but what about the other parties involved. The collateral damage.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Nortina S. · November 12, 2015

    I’m not one for the “sexperience.” Having sex in unconventional places (though not in public, heaven forbid!) is about as far as I would go with “pushing the boundaries.” I’m kind of a prude myself. I’m so bored with this sex culture. It’s on overload. I mean, people can do what they want I guess, but I personally will not be participating. If a guy can only over me sex, even the crazy, kinky kind, I’ll eventually get bored & start looking for someone more interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 16, 2015

      I feel you! It just seems to me that so much of our generation are chasing these ‘sexperiences’ at the expense of establishing more meaningful relationships. It all seems a bit backward to me. All well and good having fun but in my mind there must come a point when this stuff destroys a person.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Demetrius - Tao of Indifference · November 12, 2015

    I think that there are definitely people who are experience seekers, especially in sex, but I think that for the most part people sort of take what they can get. I think a lot of people who have casual sex aren’t actively seeking it so much as they are taking what they can get. You tend to build up a few sexual partners if you think the guy you’re seeing wants something serious then he does a bait-and-switch. True, there are some people out there trying to get as many partners and experiences as possible, but I think they’re in the minority.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · November 16, 2015

      I’m not saying experiences are a bad thing. We all need to live a little and making mistakes is part of life. My concern is that hook-up culture is destroying people and encouraging promiscuous behaviour. People think its all good and we are now free to do whatever we want but we are not stopping to think about the wider implications of our actions.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Demetrius - Tao of Indifference · November 16, 2015

        Fair point. I guess the one thing I am concerned with is that as hookup culture becomes more and more accepted, it’s not being tempered by an increase in awareness of safe sex practices. You just have to look at the increase in STD transmission in young adults and older adults to see that the generation that grew up before or after the AIDS crisis is being a bit more…cavalier with their safety.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · November 17, 2015

        Yup that and unwanted babies…think about the social repercussions of that. Something the #zlotybaby will talk about later today.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Demetrius - Tao of Indifference · November 18, 2015

        UNWANTED BABIES ARE MY BIGGEST FEAR

        Like

  7. patriciamanning · November 13, 2015

    Sexperience is awesome to explore your own sexuality and preferences, as well as developing a stronger confidence in yourself (through self-awareness!!). Trying to one-up your friend or having sex because everyone else is is not cool or healthy… but that goes for all activities – running, swimming, reading, drinking, shopping.

    The details are better left to the imagination, in my mind. I once had a familiar acquaintance who decided to tell me in detail all the blowjobs she had given and how she just wants to give them all them time. Way to much information for me to handle and we did not progress to friendship. Hmm, I guess that was judgemental on my part! I wouldn’t want people to not want to be friends with me because of my sexual past and desires… Although, I also wouldn’t want to be friends with people who judged me. Her love of bjs was not the only reason I didn’t continue building a friendship with her, but this is totally off point!

    Explore who you are, EnglishRosiee!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. EnglishRosiee · November 16, 2015

    Stronger confidence?!?!?! Really?!?!

    I don’t think think that confidence has anything to do with ‘sexperience’. As much as I ridicule 30-something virgins – I do think if you are holding on to your V-card for the right reasons (not cos God would frown upon on you having pre-marital sex or you being a general hater of men) then kudos to you.

    I think it’s important to ask ourselves why people are buying into this whole ‘hook-up culture’ thing. I don’t think that these people necessarily have more confidence. In fact, maybe this need to seek satisfaction in the bedroom by pushing boundaries is more a symbol of a persons insecurity than anything else. Doing things just because everyone else is without thinking about the consequences for yourself and various other parties involved doesn’t scream out confidence to me!

    I’m not saying, we should lock ourselves in our bedrooms and avoid the opposite sex completely. No man is an island, we need to interact with people – that’s just natural. But I just think there might be healthier ways than meaningless hookups, swingers parties, orgies, etc. Experiences are important as is learning from our mistakes and using this to figure out what we want in life.

    Maybe its the prude in me but I personally don’t see the value of hook-up culture. Yes, it may serve as a phase in a persons life, for instance after they’ve been through an epic break-up and few casual encounters may lessen the blow but what about when this becomes a lifestyle – people continually chasing the next sexual experience without much purpose ?!?!

    I’m not an expert (I’m sure there are people out there that have done proper scientific studies on this) but I don’t think promiscuity and pushing boundaries does much good for a person’s confidence. If that was the case, prostitutes would be excellent public speakers and leaders, but they aren’t. Most (not all) of them are damaged people that don’t really have much self-respect probably. Maybe the fans of hook-up culture put on this whole confident from but I think if you scratch the surface and get to know the person you’ll find underlying insecurities.

    There is a fine line but each to their own. I think its important to think things through (but I’m an over-thinker like Felicity) and understand the implications of whatever we do both on ourselves and on the people around us. Maybe there is a way of discovering who we are without causing as much damage. But then again, maybe I am just too idealistic living in my fairytale land.

    Liked by 1 person

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