My friend and colleague #englishrosiee has discussed before decent ways of breaking up with someone. What, however, if the liaison was only just starting or even before the first date one side decided it’s not going to happen? How should we say goodbye then?
Rejection is never an easy feeling to deal with. It doesn’t matter whether we really liked someone or not, we don’t like to be the one who’s going to be told “I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s going to work out”. On the other hand if nothing is said at all and the person just stops talking to us (ghosts us) we’re even more upset.
Let’s have a look at ghosting first. You’re talking to someone you’ve met in real life or on Internet dating. It seems to be going well. Then all of a sudden the other side that seemed so eager starts to reply less often and eventually not at all. It feels bad and we’re trying to figure out what went wrong. Maybe you’ll send few more messages but the conversation just lost its spark. What should you do? In my opinion nothing. As shit as it feels if you actually saw the potential, you must just leave it. You need two to tango and it’s sending a desperate vibe if you keep chasing someone you spoke to for a few days or even saw but only a handful of times. If you force them to tell you “what happened” they’ll probably give you the real reason which isn’t much more pleasant. That leads me to the second technique which is overtalking.
Ages ago, in my single times, I went out on a date with a guy that was both smart and not an absolute ogre. The conversation was intellectually engaging but there wasn’t really much spark and we lived far from one another. I thought I should give it one more date, even though my gut feelings were telling me we wouldn’t work out. Maybe it’s a female thing that we tend to try too much sometimes. Anyway, after the date we chatted for a while and then he stopped talking to me. I should have left it at being ghosted. But no, I needed the reason why (didn’t I truly know it myself?). At the date he mentioned he didn’t like stupid and fat girls so I sent him a message asking him which one was I for him to go silent, wink wink. My oh my, I got what I wanted. In an essay he wrote back he said that I was attractive and smart (duh!) but that there was no spark and that it didn’t really make sense for us to go on a second date especially given where I lived (plus, a bit of his dating story and about his fear of commitment). I felt more rejected (and humiliated too) after this conversation than before. Ghosting isn’t the worst thing after all, it seems.
Do I have any tips on how to say goodbye early? Make it quick. Say you’re not feeling the blues and don’t go into details. If a person insists on trying to convince you just keep telling them you’re not feeling it and then you can stop replying. This is the world of dating. There’s someone right for you out there and you just can’t force things.
Dear Rinsers, what’s your opinion on the matter? What’s better in the early days? Are you a ghost or are you an overtalker? Share your stories in the comments below.