Slow-mance Vs. No-mance

slowmance
Maybe it’s due to me being a hopeless romantic or my general obsession about beating my biological clock but I have a habit of rushing into things. I’ve declared my undying love to a person and moved in with them after a few days, pursued a long-distance relationship after a few weeks and relocated to another continent for love (see I don’t always over-think my decisions).

Rushing things can work sometimes, if both parties are in that frame of mind. I’m not the only loser…I’ve had a bloke tell me that we’d make beautiful babies (luckily I was in agreement so he didn’t get completely kicked to the kerb). However, if two people are not on the same page then making such epic declarations can simply be foolish. For instance, I still LOL thinking about the dude that asked me whether I’d consider a long-distance relationship between Cape Town and Jo’burg on the second date.

And the truth is while I may be happy to throw caution to the wind on occasion, the general consensus is that you can’t hurry love (you just have to wait). In this day and age, it’s not socially acceptable to be eager. It’s always better to play it cool because if you come across as too much of keen bean you are likely to send the other party running for hills. Maybe this is again due to the abundance of choice available to us. Who needs to settle when we have access to never ending swipes on Tinder Plus 😉 ?

There are also lots of people who believe that if it’s meant to be, your dreamboat is going to be worth waiting for. For some, a romantic ‘relationship’ where you see each other once every so often and allow things to progress slowly (aka a slow-mance) works because you know we are all busy people. After all, between work, getting drunk with your buddies and various extra-curricular activities, most people have very limited time for romantic pursuits anyway, right?

I think however there comes a time, in this age of game-playing when one has to ask themselves whether our potential love interest is busy sorting out their life or actually using us as their back pocket girl?  Giving us just enough attention to think that there is some hope while in fact there busy trying out every other singleton in town. But doesn’t there come a point when you have to ask ‘What are we?‘ and upon not getting the desired answer, simply NEXT the asinine idiot ?

At the end of the day, I guess it depends what you are after. Hooking-up once every couple of months is fine if it’s a FWB arrangement. But how about when you see him as the future father of your babies while he considers you to be nothing more than another notch of his bed post? Should alarm bells ring if he says he’ll pencil you into his diary for sometime in the new year? How long should one realistically let such an engagement drag on before the slow-mance becomes better defined as a no-mance (where one or both parties effectively carry on with the ‘relationship’ till a better option comes along)?

Expectations on how fast things should move in a successful romantic entanglement obviously depend on the individuals involved. But I would say the pressure is on, especially for us girls, who can’t escape the constant tick tock of our biological clocks. It’s rather worrying though when you contemplate such things. It might all seem like fun chasing that guy from one nightclub to the next and partying all crazy, but before you know it you might just wake up one day and while you’ve been busy slow-mancing a commitment-phobe, all your friends have shacked up (probably settled for a safe option) and there you left on the shelf all on your lonesome?

Alrighty Rinsers share your thoughts on slow-mances. Are they a good thing? Or simply a tool for commitment-phobes? And when should a person cut their losses in such long-drawn out affairs and admit defeat to the no-mance?      

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17 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · October 22, 2015

    I think you answered your question …I guess it depends what you are after. For me I think it depends where you are in your life, I was ready for a committed relationship and was looking for someone who felt the same way. Even with that we still had to take time to really know each other.
    As for when to cut bait???I think you know early on if it’s worth pursing …you see red flags then you know its time to move on to someone else.

    Liked by 3 people

    • EnglishRosiee · October 22, 2015

      Yes it depends. But I think the considerations for slow-mancing are different for men and women…we have our bio clocks to consider!!! Do we sometimes we just have to settle instead of chasing the fun guys that give us butterflies ?

      Liked by 2 people

      • bklynboy59 · October 22, 2015

        How about not waste time chasing and make better decisions as to what you want relationship wise?

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · October 22, 2015

        Better decisions ???? Everyone has 20/20 hindsight but when you are in the moment noone thinks straight now do they ?? Most of us want the promise of happily ever after and that can take time…But how long is too long? And how are our innocent minds know when when the promises are false?

        Liked by 3 people

      • bklynboy59 · October 23, 2015

        When do you know ? When they ask you to pay for the date, when? When ask to borrow money when? When they treat women like play things or when you start to think you can change or tame a bad boy

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · October 23, 2015

        But a slow mance is not necessarily always with a bad boy. Sometimes it could just be that two people arrived at the wrong place at the wrong time. It might also be the fact that you’ve come to a point where you’ve kissed so many frogs that you are all like ho hum….let me just take what I can get, if it’s slow, I’ll do slow.

        Liked by 3 people

      • bklynboy59 · October 23, 2015

        Wow what a waste of time. Don’t you think you are worth more than a ho hum slowmance ?

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · October 23, 2015

        In a ideal world yes…..but with the man defecit we are dealing with….what more can a girl do.

        Liked by 3 people

      • bklynboy59 · October 23, 2015

        respect yourself more so as not to lower your standards in even a less than perfect world

        Liked by 2 people

      • EnglishRosiee · October 23, 2015

        Just look around….it seems many a settling…a post for next week!

        Liked by 2 people

      • bklynboy59 · October 23, 2015

        I know I am being hard on you but don’t look at what everyone else settles for …you know better so do better

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · October 23, 2015

        just because many settle doesn’t mean that is the only choice you have in front of you

        Liked by 1 person

  2. patriciamanning · October 26, 2015

    Rushing a relationship/entering a relationship/settling in a relationship because of your “biological clock is ticking” is a bad idea! One to be avoided! Maybe it works, and that’s great. Other times you end up with kids and an spouse/father of your children who you really don’t like or love or stand. Even worse, you are so unhappy you end up telling your kids about how much you don’t like each other and how if they weren’t around you wouldn’t be stuck with each other… It is great if you can separate, but I have been told that is expensive!

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · October 26, 2015

      Good points. Maybe I should consider freezing my eggs 😉 ? Apparently it’s all the rage and the best way to avoid the bio clock and being hurtful to your off spring 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Phoebe grove · October 27, 2015

    I’m currently in this situation. I’ve kinda met this guy and we are kinda Whatapping alot. He is more than I am. For me its like a chore. I am just not feeling it. But he must be since he whatsapp me everyday with smiley faces emojis of wine glasses. And yet, I don’t have that …..excitement. When I get a text, or a call from him, its like a chore.

    I have been on the other foot. I really liked a guy once. Really fancied him. We Whatsapped alot. tried to suggest meeting up and so on. We only met 2 times in 1 year. I just got excited whenever he did make the first move. But then the Whatsapp got less and less. I had to realise that he didn’t feel the same way.

    It is a dream come true when both of us fancy each either other instantly.

    So what do I do about the current guy? Should I continue SLOW-ROMANCE (give more time) or NO-ROMANCE him

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · October 27, 2015

      Hmmm…The fact you describe the guy as a chore might be a problem if you are looking for anything more than casual. However, it seems you have the upper hand so you can play it any which way you want. Have some fun with him , rinse the dude if u wish, use him for some temporary satisfaction…who knows he could boost your confidence. Just know what you want….and be ok with whatever your next move is.

      Like

  4. Pingback: Sacrifice in love and the martyr mentality | rinse before use

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