Just Friends

platonic friendships?

The question polluting my mind at the moment: Can guys and girls ever just be friends? According to my sources (aka my friends and relationship gurus) apparently not! But I beg to disagree on this one.

Well, since what I hope just a phase of singledom started I seem to have accumulated a whole bunch of male BFFs, some of whom even began their lives as Tinder boys (aka Friend Zoning).  And I have to say it’s rather refreshing. Some of the great things about having male friends is that a) they are just less high-maintenance that most chicks b) they can give you a male perspective on things without simply telling you that every guy is a douche bag (which although maybe true doesn’t necessarily help) c) they have the potential to be great wing-people d) the less girly ones can help protect you from bad people and e) they are generally good boozers and on occasion you can even rinse them for champagne at the Mount Nelson.

Sadly, the cynics/voices of reason in my life tell me that this happy-clappy world I live in is just an illusion and when I do eventually find my Prince Charming the majority of my newfound male BFFs will magically disappear. l somehow I don’t see this being true. Firstly, I am not arrogant enough to think that I am God’s gift to men and therefore it’s not possible for ALL these men to want special favours from me. Secondly, we generally tend to overshare details of our most intimate thoughts with our friends , something we won’t necessarily do with our romantic interests. I doubt dudes that have seen you at your worst – ugly drunk and perving on everything (except them) with a pulse – would seriously consider anything more than friendship with you. Finally, I’d like to think that we not all total animals and there maybe a few members of the opposite sex that we value more than a quickie down some dark alley.

Unfortunately, it seems that my views are at odds with the general consensus which states that if a man and woman spend too much time together eventually there will be some sexual tension/attraction and one party will eventually fall for the other. In some cases, they’ll act on it immediately have a one-nighter which may subsequently develop into a FWB/’Secret Sex’ arrangement. In other instances, the person may be sensible enough to quickly weigh up the pros and cons of such a move or decide the timing is all wrong and then simply disregard the silly idea. In rare cases, something real could come of it.

Ugh, this is all too horrible for my fragile mind to handle. So I hand this problem over to you, dearest Rinsers. Do purely platonic friendships really exist? What are your tips on dealing with unrequited love from a dear friend of yours? Can guys and girls ever go back to being ‘just friends’ after some form of romantic interaction has occurred? Answers to these conundrums in the comments below.

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21 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · October 8, 2015

    Platonic Friendships? They can but at some point some one is attracted to the other and won’t admit it. I am friends with someone I was attracted to once but for many reasons it was never pursed. Can someone go back to being just friends after some romance has happened? No key word ….just! No such thing after some romance as just friends the word just minimizes the level of the relationship. If you have feelings for someone and they were strong enough to act on it why put up the just friends moniker.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · October 9, 2015

      Ugh. If this is the case it’s just horrible.

      It’s a pretty sad state of affairs if we have to watch our backs the whole time we hang out with any guy thinking that the poor fool is developing a crush on you.

      Does this mean we have to explictly FZ guys we have no interest in from the get go?

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · October 9, 2015

        you may have to. Personally I like to define my relationships so there are no misunderstandings.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · October 9, 2015

        Fair enough. But I just think I’d come across as arrogant if I went around to all the guys stating whether or not they were my type and what their chances are. I regularly talk about the guys I do like like in front of my male BFFs…so hopefully that is enough of hint.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · October 9, 2015

        Not really we tend to be clueless when it comes to that call it selective hearing. Depending on your delivery , there is nothing I repeat nothing wrong with stating what your intentions are.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. patriciamanning · October 8, 2015

    I have been raised by weird lifeguards who have taught me that this is not possible… and okay, it is one thing that I have to give it to them being right on. I don’t think that guys and girls can just be friends; unless one or the other harbour feelings for their same sex. Although one of my best gay friends did suggest a threesome when he saw we were checking out the same guy…

    But it’s all okay when you are single… what happens when you are in relationships, even marriage. Who cares if you slip and sleep with your single friend of the opposite sex. Can guys and girls just be friends after marriage. Yesterday I watched rugby with a bunch of married guys. None of their wives were present without their respective husbands. Does the existence conundrum of male/female friendships only exist amongst non-married folk? I changed my question, as I wrote it, because I was going to write “amongst non-relationship folk.” Then I thought of a bunch of examples where men or women were just friends with a member of the opposite sex in a relationship because they were hoping he/she would wake up one day and realise that he/she should be with the friend. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like dedication!

    P.S. this really made me laugh! –> d) the less girly ones can help protect you from bad people

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · October 9, 2015

      I still don’t agree. Maybe in the olden days where social circles were smaller ? But now when we have the whole Tinderverse at our fingertips , why do people feel the need to hook-up with friends? I get pursuing it if you weigh things up and decide its worth risking the friendship for something real, but why for a hook-up – when you can just find a random on Tinder or Long Street?!

      You raise a good point on whether things change when people get married? I’d hope that a ring would explictly show that someone was out of bounds but who knows in the Ashley Madison era? People seem to have very limited boundaries….
      .

      Like

      • sam1128 · March 24, 2016

        Things change with marriage in that spouses tend to be jealous of friends of the opposite sex and pressure maybe subtly for them to be excluded.
        As to your other point a ring makes no difference and is an open invitation to those who are looking for no strings sex …because they think that the person who is married won’t react as a single may. Young men particularly can hit on older women wanting the cougar experience.

        Like

      • EnglishRosiee · March 24, 2016

        Shouldn’t they be less jealous in a marriage? Shouldn’t they be more secure once there is a ring on it?

        Like

      • sam1128 · March 24, 2016

        No doesn’t alwayswork like that…males are always looking for rivals as are females.
        You have to be super confident and be the sort of person able to trust your partner to do the right thing to give them free rein to be themselves. Lots of people say you are married to me you shouldn’t need anybody else. Look at married people how many have lost friends of both sexes because of their partners. That of course in the long run is detrimental to the relationships.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Phoebe grove · October 10, 2015

    Having no male friends, I would have to say no. Maybe I over-think it. Back at school when I was sweet and innocent I had no idea so yes friendships with boys easy. I remember back at school the teacher would pick for us where to sit. Boy-girl-boy-girl to mix the friends up so no chatting. But I was quietly thinking “OK if we must please put me next to a Cool boy” Most of the time I was 🙂 So I would chat to him with ease and he would make me laugh. But then as adults I don’t think its easy to hang on to male friends (unless they are gay). They will find me clingy and I would be jealous if they had girlfriends. Unless you are in a group of people, its weird to hang out one-to-one as friends. People talk. Assume its a date and so on. This spoils the mood.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · October 12, 2015

      I agree a lot of time it’s also about other people’s assumptions as well. I can’t begin to count the times I’ve been acc used of sleeping with (!) a totally platonic friend just cos we’ve been seen hanging out together too much….gossip mongers!!!!

      Like

  4. moondai · October 12, 2015

    Personal experience – no men and women can’t be just friends. Even if you friendzone them explicitly from the get go. I been there done that and someone always ends up getting hurt somewhat, or there is some sexual tension somewhere.

    But of course there will always be exceptions. But rarely, I would say.

    The past few years I have realized men and women are not made to be just friends. Just my obervation in my own life 🙂 either I end up falling in love with this guy or want to have sex with him, or the other way around..

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · October 13, 2015

      Yeah – I guess in some sense, even if you make the logical decision not to pursue anything, there is still an element of hurt involved.

      Like

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  6. sam1128 · March 24, 2016

    There is always going to be sexual tension between men and women but that doesn’t mean that we always have to act on it…
    We love our friends but in a different way to romantic love and lust. ..and if we set our boundaries and are clear then friendship is possible with everybody…if you hook up with a friend you lose the friendship because the game has changed.

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · March 24, 2016

      Totally. You’ve got to weigh things up carefully and work out whether a romantic relationship is worth the risk of losing a friendship.

      Liked by 1 person

      • sam1128 · March 24, 2016

        I was fascinated by your comments about Tinder in your post. Haven’t had time to revisit or think it through yet …and maybe will do a post ….J am not well up in Tinder not my scene.. the whole idea of stranger sex freaks me…need to find out more then maybe have a dialogue… have you done a blog on it.?

        Liked by 1 person

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