“No Hymen, No Diamond” is an actual Facebook page and it reminds us that in our “enlightened” times virginity fetishism is still an actual thing. The idea behind it is to reinforce the belief that women with no sexual partners (a virgin) before the current one are the only ones that should be taken seriously.
First of all, it’s wrong. Full stop. You can’t evaluate someone’s value on the basis of whether they have or haven’t had sexual partners. In fact, it should be absolutely irrelevant for a current partner if the person took the necessary precautions and didn’t end up spreading their eggs around the world and producing offsprings and/or contracting STDs. People (even women!) don’t (usually) get damaged during sex.
The reasonable argument doesn’t resonate with virginity fetishists. In their heads being a virgin makes a woman pure and more importantly unconquered. A woman isn’t an object, she doesn’t get worn-out or used-up. I can see, however, how convenient for some lazy men an inexperienced partner, who doesn’t know what good sex is about, can be. If you have been eating oats for breakfast all your life, you won’t be complaining about not getting cream cheese and salmon croissants, right?
For many of us the idea of our partner being intimately (or just being) with someone else isn’t nice. Most people start dating in high school and if they’re still single or back on the market in their late twenties/early thirties they’re likely to have had some experiences before. This is just the reality and if we don’t like it than we should stick to our Puritan rules and remain virgins ourselves if that’s what we desire in our partner. However, this suggestion would seem silly to many virgin-wanting men, after all there are double standards and a man’s quality cannot be decreased by the fact that he slept with someone (or even numerous someone’s) before.
The sad part of this story, is that in our “rotten” Western world people are aware of the fact that their partners have pasts and in most cases they don’t obsess about it. The “no hymen, no diamond” mentality, however, is very strong in more conservative/religious parts of the world, where surgeries to restore hymens are very common. In more extreme examples, a woman who dared to have pre-martial sex is believed to have dishonored herself and by extension her family and may end up killed because of that.
I haven’t heard about hymen reconstructions procedures in Poland but the attitude is well known in my home country where a famous globetrotter and a TV personality called Wojciech Cejrowski compared a non-virgin woman to a dirty shirt (and who’d like to wear a shirt with other man’s sweat in it) and told a woman who had sex in Big Brother that’s she’s a slut similar to cheap prostitutes in ports. Lovely.
I don’t even know how to sum up this post apart from the fact that it’s a very very sad trend and I wish the world wasn’t so horrible. In full honesty, however, we all know, that I’m only criticizing the belief because I’m not a virgin myself and no one will ever marry me because of that. Unless I sew myself up, of course, then all will be okay.
Now to you, Dear Reader, what do you think about the virginity obsession? Do you know any men or women who seem to have similar sexist views? Are you maybe one of them?