First Dates

Firstdate

Sometimes you meet someone online, sometimes in real life. However it happens, if you’re interested in them and they seem to reciprocate, you’ll have a few obstacles to overcome to upgrade the acquaintance, including the First Date (FD). FDs may be super awkward but there are few tricks that may minimize the weirdness.

One of the most important, and not that obvious, things is to make sure that both sides are aware of the fact that they’re on a date. It happened to me once that I thought I was on a date and I wasn’t (a guy who was clearly into me asked me to go to the movies with him and was trying to make a move all movie long but he still thought it was just friends hanging out). It was even weirder, however, when I was sure I was just having drinks with a friend and he thought we were on a date after which he referred to us as “casually dating” (drinks only, split bill, no touch, no kiss! Really?). If your situation is not as straightforward as meeting someone from the online dating world, make sure you make things clear so not to embarrass yourself.

The choice of activity is important too and I think the easiest FD is just to go out for drinks. At your place is way too intimate, activities can go wrong with people who are just learning to know each other and are trying to impress the other person, and a full-on dinner can cause “a bill crisis” (a guy being rinsed if a girl is only after a free meal, a more liberal chick being offended if a guy insists on paying) and/or general awkwardness of eating in front of a stranger.

The length of the date matters too – make it short and sweet so that you look forward to seeing a person again if it’s successful or you don’t get discouraged towards dating in general if your date decides to share details of their medical procedures with you. Rather leave making out sessions for a later stage too (pol. lepiej nie is dupy strony). The piece of advice is far from prudish – if you’re looking for fun go for it but if you’re looking for someone you’re an actual match with rather don’t let your sense overcloud your sensibility, otherwise you may end up dating someone you have little in common with.

Last but not least, use a tit-for-tat technique with sharing your personal details. If they tell you about their travels, tell them about yours, but maybe don’t spend too much time dwelling over abusive relationship with your first boyfriend or general difficulties with dating, unless you can tell that the other side is interested in the discussion and volunteers their more emotional stories too. Sharing may be bonding so if you keep things light it’ll benefit you. Over sharing, on the other hand, may cool the other person’s passion (“I don’t get well with the majority of my schoolmates. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” just to quote yours truly from one of her FDs ever).

A FD is just the first obstacle to overcome on the relationship highway (wink wink) and if it goes well, who knows where it can take you. Even if it really didn’t go well when things get settled between the two of you, it becomes a fond memory. If a FD requires a lot effort and is absolutely horrible than the person probably isn’t right for you.

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30 comments

  1. mrswatzername · September 8, 2015

    I shall print this and give to the kids I will one day have. So wise!

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · September 8, 2015

      Thank you! I’m glad you like it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bklynboy59 · September 8, 2015

    I had a first date that she insisted on paying even though I had the money to pay for the date. It did lead to other dates and finally a two year relationship. My first date with my wife was interesting and fun …what made it that way was we spent time talking before the date and went into the date with momentum so it wasn’t so awkward whne we finally did meet in person. And yes I had one date that never was able to get off the ground because it was too much work to meet in person and as we talked she said things that she ended up apologizing for that were red flags for me…if you have to work that hard for a first date then it just isn’t happening.

    Liked by 3 people

    • zlotybaby · September 8, 2015

      First date shouldn’t happen to late into the online acquaintance, I think. You should get to know a person a little bit first but there’s nothing better than meeting someone in person to actually know what they’re about. I think some women just to prefer to pay for themselves. I don’t mind being treated in a relationship but in the past on first dates I would only allow people to pay for me if we went out for one maybe two drinks. If it was more or with food too, I always felt as if I guy was suggesting that I can’t afford it myself. Besides, I don’t see a reason why a guy should pay in general.

      Like

      • bklynboy59 · September 8, 2015

        Generally speaking men ask women out on a date they should pay for the date …as a rule especially when you are talking about first date …first impression …lead with your best foot forward that kind of stuff.

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · September 9, 2015

        I agree on the first date paying. However, I always felt obliged and not well if someone pays for a whole meal of mine. I also preferred to keep it as drinks only.

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · September 9, 2015

        It used to be and yes I am old school that if a man can pay for the date it shows that he can somewhere down the line be able to provide for a woman. Yes it is very old school and I know for alot of reasons that logic doesn’t apply much anymore but a man has to show he can pay for a date and not free load. Sadly alot of men will milk a woman for money and then leave and go elsewhere (Another woman)

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      • zlotybaby · September 10, 2015

        I find the idea of being “provided for” downgrading. Yes, a man should be financially sorted and so should be the woman. Only a relationship of two people who are sorted is truly functional otherwise there’s dependency. Of course, there can be w moment when one needs help and the partner should be able to provide financial support, but it applies to both men and women.

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      • bklynboy59 · September 10, 2015

        Why do you find it to be down grading? Too many men are looking for someone that will sponge off of.

        Like

      • zlotybaby · September 10, 2015

        It’s not about sponging – if both partners are financially independent there will be no sponging. My boyfriend does treat me often but it doesn’t mean he has to pay for me every time we go out and I will treat him back too. I don’t need a man to pay for me – I have a job and my own money, I’m not a child anymore to be supported by someone.

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · September 10, 2015

        I think you are taking this the wrong way…or maybe it is just I am from a different school of thought on this topic. I am not saying you’re a child that needs to be supported I am saying that a man should be able to be in a position to show he can provide, that is where paying for dates come in at. Yes it should be agreed upon to treat each other …nothing wrong with that , what I see too often though is the complete opposite where the guy is free loading off the girl.

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      • zlotybaby · September 10, 2015

        I think whichever side is free loading is being a dependent and it’s not right. Women should not let men sponge of them, but men should not let women sponge of them either. All I’m saying is both a man and a woman should be able to be in position to show they can provide. Otherwise, there can be no talk of equality of gender.

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · September 10, 2015

        ok …I guess I need to revamp my point of view on that I grew up in a different time and era/error lol so it was engrained in us early on the man pays for …everything but this is a very different time and economics are totally different from when I grew up.

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · September 10, 2015

        😊 I can understand that, still you seem very open minded. I have this one colleague at work that we constantly fight with about men/women issues. She has an ex fiancé who still gives her big amounts of money every few months just because and her idea of a man is for him to buy her things and ideally support her entirely. That’s not a man’s job or anyone’s but her own. She has a capacity to work and I don’t see why she should be supported.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · September 10, 2015

        That’s not healthy for you coworker chances are her man also has some old fashioned views about women being home in the kitchen right?

        Like

  3. EnglishRosiee · September 8, 2015

    Zloty! Zloty! Zloty! Some good advice you give here. But oh how the tables have turned here. There I was thinking I was the prudish one in this business relationship and here you telling everyone about the dangers of first date kisses 😉

    I feel sometimes in the age of internet dating, the whole idea of first dates can become a bit sterile. At some point, for me it became a bit like a factory conveyor belt…you keep meeting up with anyone and everyone, they ask you the same boring questions, you keep on going on first dates in hope that somewhere you’ll find a spark. It’s all just a bit bleak, so sometimes when you find a little chemistry you act on it.

    I agree with you about no bedroom action on a first date (unless of course you are a WISO – in which case a date is not only a prerequisite for sex, just a glance across the room and boom boom!) But are we not even allowed to have foot-popping kisses on a first date now? Sadness.

    Regardless, key to a good first date isn’t always the kisses/making-out/sex…probably most important element is flowing conversation (good wine can also help). Best dates for me are when you lose hours of your life chatting…But sometimes maybe I need to learn to put a lid on my talking ;).

    Goodbye Grandma. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · September 8, 2015

      I didn’t say don’t kiss on the first date, I said no making out sessions. The moment you start grinding it becomes sexual before it had a chance to become something else. I think the chemistry in us makes us make poor choices so it’s good to have a good look at what we’re getting into, before our animalistic side takes over and leads us to the point when there’s no return. Once you’re in love it’s tough to see objectively.

      Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · September 8, 2015

        ‘In LOVE’ on the first date…You are too funny !!! But I guess stranger things have happened, hey?

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby · September 9, 2015

        Not in love on the first date, in love quickly because of sexual things happening not because of anything else. Once you cross this line you’re unlikely to change your mind about it.

        Liked by 1 person

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