Baggage

baggage

Unless you’re part of that dying breed of people that marries their high school sweetheart or a 30-something virgin who looks more likely to live in an old-age home before having a meaningful contact with the opposite sex, you’ll probably have a fair few relationships/ encounters before you decide to settle down. With each relationship we enter into (and exit from), we get a better idea of what we want in a future husband/wife by establishing those all-important deal breakers and (hopefully) learning from our mistakes. Unfortunately with each failed relationship, we also accumulate baggage. Baggage can come in many different forms. We all have it in some way or another. When it comes to matters of the heart one must ask themselves whether a person’s baggage can be ignored as a minor nuisance or whether it is a total liability?

In some cases, the baggage is glaringly obvious (i.e. it’s clearly visible in their Tinder profile picture – them holding a baby or with their wife on their wedding day). But there does come a point in life when we all come to terms with the fact that we might have to consider widening the pool of potential suitors and settling for someone that is not conventionally ‘perfect’.

Take for instance, the fairy princess who goes against her better judgement, ignores a non-negotiable factor and agrees to go on a date with a Baby Daddy. Even though, this conjures up bad memories of the homeland she escaped from – a nation of CHAVS, where men father numerous children with different chicks just to get more booze money from the state – there are no other potentials on the horizon so she has to take what she can get. Turns out the Baby Daddy isn’t a complete chav but actually an investment banker (kerching!!! – dollar/rand signs appear in the fairy princess’ eyes) but sadly she senses he has a drinking problem (as he knocks back several whiskies) – possibly bought on by the stress of custody battles/screaming children. Furthermore, a little digging reveals he is not over his ex, in fact he is still married to his Baby Mama.

There are also instances where the baggage is little bit more discreet (more like a small carry-on as opposed to 50 litre backsack) – these cases require a little more vigilance on our part. Perhaps the person has some emotional scars from a previous relationship, which means he constantly stalks your Facebook or checks your phone to reassure himself that you aren’t cheating on him with his brother or best friend? Or maybe she is so intent on proving to the world that she is not her WISO mother’s daughter that she can’t take even the slightest joke relating to her sexcapades? Or the polar opposite, a boy whose father set a bad example, which now gives him reason to justify his philandering ways? The list goes on and on and on.

All this does make me wonder though… How much baggage should we be willing to tolerate for love? Is there are risk of our partner’s baggage weighing us down to the point of exhaustion? Or is it simply a test of our love? If you truly love someone should you be willing to share the load and help carry their baggage? And how about our own baggage ? Should we regard it as a turn-off and try to hide it from a potential partner or is it something that is bound to resurface at some point further down the line? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Advertisements

21 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · August 20, 2015

    Yes it is true we all have baggage. But we also must know when to let go of the baggage that weighs us down. There is a point that it becomes important to share necessary baggage if and only if your encounter now becomes a full blown relationship. Then there things that need to be addressed like if you have children from a previous relationship/ marriage. But a lot of the baggage should not be hidden but kept closed until you know which way things are heading …is it a relationship or is a wham bam thank you mam. If it is the second you mike not want to share so much with someone who isn’t looking for more than just alittle…

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · August 20, 2015

      The problem is many people can’t let go of their baggage, they hold on to it for dear life until it destroys their chances of ever getting relationships.

      And those FWB arrangements do have a habit of escalating … and that when all the baggage is revealed.

      Like

  2. violetonlineisonline · August 20, 2015

    isn’t it baggage that makes us interesting?

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · August 20, 2015

      Is it though?

      Even mentioning that I was in half decade long relationship (not marriage) sends guys running for the hills screaming : ‘OMG !!! She is a RELATIONSHIP person !!!’

      I guess there is life experience, which makes us less naive and then baggage which can make a person bleak and unattractive …you can have baggage without life experience, look at those 30-something virgins.

      Like

  3. patriciamanning · August 20, 2015

    But you are a relationship person! Rock it!

    I am usually attracted to guys who are “emotionally f***ed” (their claim), and in these cases baggages is negatively affecting them. From my point of view, this is a choice. What do you think? Is baggage a choice or do you accumulate it no matter what. Also, why can’t baggage be seen as experience in relationship. For instance, the more experience you have building your career, the more sought after you are to potential employers. (I may have already answered my question…)

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · August 20, 2015

      Thanks for the comment Pat 🙂

      Yes, maybe I am a ‘relationship person’ in general but no-one likes being boxed and having people make assumptions about their baggage. Maybe just maybe I am OK with having the odd fling in between relationships…so those fling-worthy guys need not run for the hills or worry about my fragile little heart being broken.

      I agree we have a choice as to whether we let our baggage define us, and yes experiences can effeminately make us better people (like in the world of work) but only if we choose to use our experience properly. Even at a very basic bedroom level, I think most people would choose the ‘relationship’ girl over the 30-something virgin. But then, there is the obvious baggage, for example the kids…you can’t hide those or put a positive spin on them.necessarily. 😉

      Like

  4. Nortina S. · August 20, 2015

    I had an emotionally scared ex who woke up from a freaky dream and accused me of sleeping with his stepdad. HIS STEPDAD! Obviously, that relationship ended. I think if you’re trying to be in a serious, long-term relationship, baggage will only hurt you. People need to purge their emotional baggage before they enter into another relationship. And if they think having a boyfriend/girlfriend will fix it for them, they’re completely wrong. That puts too much pressure on the new lover, and if they don’t fix that person’s issues, then what? They’ll blame them after the relationship ends, thus adding more baggage that they will eventually try to force onto a new romantic interest. Damaged people only damage other people. They need to fix themselves before they try to date someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. emmagc75 · August 20, 2015

    We all have issues and baggage. I guess u just have to find someone whose crazy fits your crazy ya know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · August 26, 2015

      I agree. Its totally about having someone who is willing to tolerate your baggage. But after you’ve dealt with a fair few rejections due to your issues…maybe its also a sign to let it all go.

      Liked by 1 person

      • emmagc75 · August 26, 2015

        Let what all go? Looking for love?

        Like

  6. Pingback: Girls – The Real Life Version of Sex and the City? | rinse before use
  7. EnglishRosiee · August 27, 2015

    No !!!!!!! Never let go of looking for love ! But let go of the baggage and your own issues that put people off 🙂

    Like

  8. Pingback: Banter | rinse before use
  9. Pingback: 10 Life Lessons from EnglishRosiee’s ’30 first dates before 30′ Experiement | rinse before use
  10. Pingback: Tinder Shaming – The Dos and Don’ts for Dating Profile Pics | rinse before use
  11. Pingback: ‘Starter’ Marriages – Divorced @ 30 | rinse before use
  12. Pingback: Bonding Over A Broken Heart (and Other Negative Foundations for a Relationship) | rinse before use
  13. Pingback: Skeletons in the Closet | rinse before use
  14. Pingback: Friendshifts : From BFFs to Coffee Friends | rinse before use
  15. Pingback: Metamorphose.. | black8socks
  16. Pingback: Why The Pursuit of ‘Mr Big’ Just Ends in Tears | rinse before use

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s