Mama’s Boy

ukmix.org

They say that the way in which a man treats his mother is the way in which he will treat his wife. However, some people seem to take it too seriously and as much as a man should respect  his mom he shouldn’t be an overly attached  mama’s boy (at least not after the age of 7).

When does the son/mother relationship become too close?Let me share with you a few true life examples:

  1. When it’s the mother letting you know that her son wants to break up with you when introducing you as his *chuckle *chuckle “friend”.
  2. When he holds hands with you and his mom at the same time.
  3. When he constantly refers to the two of you as “his ladies”.
  4. When his mom as a whole concept (includes her, her views and her belongings) absolutely cannot be questioned, joked about or mentioned in any other way than with deep respect.
  5. When he addresses her as “mommy” (or “mother” in Norman Bates’s voice).
  6. When at the age of 30 has never lived away from his mom for more than two weeks.
  7. When his mom still does all household chores for him, even though he has an actual career.
  8. When on the first date he mentions his mother more often than his ex-girlfriend.

And many many more I won’t mention not to make some people recognize themselves in my words (and then run to their mommy to complain about it).

Why is it important to realize that your love interest is a mama’s boy? As it’s difficult to have a successful relationship with one. His mother will be the first woman in his life forever and he can only have a partner who will be fine to always be  the second one. Of course, you could fool yourself by believing that you may change him but if a man is 20 something and he hasn’t realised that independence is a value he’s either too lazy to cut the umbilical cord or he’s really incapable of performing life related tasks on his own. In both cases this guy is a no-no.

What is more, you can’t forget that you need two to tango. A mama’s boy can be slightly lazy and prone to dependency but if his mom was a reasonable human being she’d try to teach him how to be his own person rather than enable his parasitic inclinations. Given that a relationship with a mommy’s boy is always a ménage à trois you will not only have to deal with a man who can’t wash his own clothes but also with a woman who’ll make it her life mission to prove to you that you don’t know how to do it either.

How to realize you’re dealing with a mama’s boy? If you’re not dealing with obvious examples, like the abovementioned, listen to your common sense and do not silence your gut feelings. Look at how independent you are from your parents and judge accordingly. However, if you’re a mama’s girl you shouldn’t expect anything different from your partner.

What do YOU think about mama’s boys? Have you or your friend ever dated one? Do you know any specimen? Any interesting stories to share?

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52 comments

  1. violetonlineisonline · August 18, 2015

    ditch the boy, become friends with the Mama…

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · August 18, 2015

      😄 keep your friends close and your enemies closer? 😉

      Like

  2. bklynboy59 · August 18, 2015

    Interesting consider mama’s boy are among the frogs you might have encounted along the way. While I was very close to my mother I wasn’t considered a momma’s boy by anyone including my ex wife and ex girlfriend. In a weird way to me being called a momma’s boy meant you got picked on when I was growing up. Now considering the state of family life….that might have a different view.

    Liked by 2 people

    • zlotybaby · August 18, 2015

      Supportive is good, dependent is bad so those who mock healthy relationships of sons and mothers are either childish or immature. And definitely, a healthy family when we’re growing up will help to have a healthy family in the future.

      Like

  3. patriciamanning · August 18, 2015

    I have a friend who is married to a mama’s boy – she says she is okay with it… I would not be. His mother still buys him his clothes and he is nearing 40 years old. He is also overly dependent on my friend now, as he thinks that is a normal healthy relationship. Yikes!

    Just wondering if there is such a thing as mama’s girl?

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · August 18, 2015

      I am not quite sure what #zlotybaby is on about here. I’ve never heard of a mama’s girl.

      Don’t most woman clash with their mothers?

      Like

      • zlotybaby · August 18, 2015

        As I said above – I know two of these. Both of them from broken homes which may be changing the dynamics.

        Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · August 18, 2015

      Ugh. Whatever works for her I guess. It must be embarrassing in front of others, though. Yes, I’ve met at least two mama’s girls in my life but both were from broken homes (maybe the Fraud’s theory of desiring the father and hating the mother fails in this scenario). Similarly as mama’s boys they are nearly entirely dependent on their mothers.

      Like

  4. EnglishRosiee · August 18, 2015

    As soon as you get an indication of him being a Mama’s boy put on those Nikes and run for the hills, FAST !!!

    I think we need to also be a bit reflective…usually these Mama’s boys go for women they think can potentially take the place of his Mummy when she dies. Look at her and then look at yourself. That is who he is expecting you to be 30 years time. Hopefully, she is one of those ladies that is ageing gracefully or maybe she is cougar… I don’t know, but think about what this says about you.

    And don’t ever kid yourself, you’ll never come close to the his first love, the only woman to have loved him from the day he was born. #bitty

    Like

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  27. Sarah Hope · November 24, 2016

    Typically, mama’s boys are very easy to identify based on their enmeshment, and may or may not pull out of it. Having a good relationship with one’s mother is important, but not if the marriage is a ménage à trois – that would be incestuous. I know many men who have close relationships with their mother and their wife and balance both fine so I suppose it comes down to the dynamics of the specific people.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · November 28

      Thank you for your comment. I’ve learnt to recognize the mamas boys and fortunately my husband is anything but. At the same time when I was struggling with being attracted to this sort of guys I really thought I was being judgmental and that I was exaggerating. These boys also know that it’s not a desired characteristic so they hide it. For instance they don’t say “I live with my mom” they say “I’m temporarily living with my mom”… I must say one should count the number of time someone mentions their mom on the first days, though 😉

      Like

      • Sarah Hope · November 29

        Yea, “mom” talks usually come up later in the relationship…it would be odd if someone started talking about their family right off the bat – I don’t think I have ever had a relationship that family was discussed until at least a certain amount of time was established in the relationship where both agreed to go forward unless it was Mother’s Day or a casual reference.

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · November 29

        Right. That’s exactly why I’ll never forgive myself a 1 long relationship with a guy who mentioned his mom at least five times on the first date…

        Like

      • Sarah Hope · November 29

        That was definitely probably a warning signal for sure…

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · November 30

        Yes 😉

        Like

      • Sarah Hope · November 29

        But don’t beat yourself up – live and learn – it all depends on the context

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · November 30

        It wasn’t a good relationship but I definitely learn some things from it. My mistake was not starting it but staying in it for too long.

        Like

      • Sarah Hope · November 30

        How long were you in the relationship?

        Like

      • zlotybaby · December 1

        For a year and a few days. Our anniversary was on the guy’s bday and I felt breaking up is the worst thing you can do so I waited a few days longer.

        Like

      • Sarah Hope · December 4

        Yes, that was kind.

        Liked by 1 person

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