‘The best way to get over one man is to get under another’ – Jane the Virgin
Oh, how I wish it was that easy. The immediate period following a break-up can be a rather tumultuous time in a person’s life. You’ve just gone from domestic bliss and planning for happily ever after with the person you thought was your one and only, to living a sad, lonely existence with just your cat for company (jokes, it’s not possible to become a sad spinster that fast). From my experience and observations, the way in which a person rebuilds their life after the breakdown of a long-term relationship varies but here are some of the common things that happen in the rebound phase:
A New Look
I can’t say I understand the reasoning behind it but it seems after a relationship has come to an end, us chicks especially feel the need for an image overhaul.
In the ‘best’ cases this means going on an epic diet and getting yourself that supermodel figure you’ve always wanted. Sadly, this weight-loss often doesn’t last and for most of us (especially me) heartbreak is just yet another excuse to indulge in all the cupcakes, macaroons, and Lindt chocolate your heart could desire resulting in you looking more like a sumo wrestler than Beyoncé.
For many, this new look usually involves a new hairstyle. It could be of the intimate nature, as you employ a little wishful thinking and contemplate having a new man between your thighs. But it’s generally of the more conventional nature as you literally wash that man right out your hair and either chop it off SWF style or opt for the hipster ombre look (only to have the ex laugh and call you a ginger).
Whatever, you decide to do to change your image, whether you love it or you look back in 6 months’ time and laugh at your stupidity, it’s a symbolic move that represents the start of an exciting new chapter in your life so just go with it.
Drowning Your Sorrows
Sadly, most of us can also relate to the rebound also being a period of self-destruction which involved drowning your sorrows with copious amounts of alcohol. Hopefully, this boozing will be done alongside your best friends at a cheap local pub (thankyou #teamlove) rather than alone with a bottle of vodka (Bridget Jones style).
Yes, alcohol and fun times are great distractions but only up until you wake up one morning in the arms of some random you’d never look twice at without your beer googles. Or you get so boozed up on your birthday that you end a five year stint of ‘vegetarianism’ by drunkenly sucking on some chicken bones.
Regardless, you eventually crash and start questioning whether this craziness is of any benefit. As the hangover clears, you realise that all this stupidity (evidence of which is plastered all over Facebook) is only serving to show the world (and most importantly your ex) how damn far you are from getting over them.
Replacing the Ex
It’s natural, after losing the love of your life, to run into the arms of the first dude that comes along. This person may represent everything your ex was not, but generally during this time of vulnerability us good girls tend to be even more magnetically drawn to those emotionally-unavailable bad boys. There are also occasions where you might meet someone who is half decent but, alas, you are not in a good space and the poor fool has just entered a war zone as you simply use and abuse him, eventually breaking his spirit. Regardless, rebound sex/hook-ups/’relationships’ are NEVER a good idea as it’s not likely to be anything meaningful and someone always end up getting hurt.
Finally, don’t waste time beating yourself up, move on from these mistakes – remember the rebound is just a phase, and it too shall (eventually) pass, hopefully making way for your true Prince Charming to enter your life.
Now dearest Rinsers, please share your rebound stories below. Thanking you
This was a good read because I can completely relate to it. I wrote about https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2015/02/13/i-used-to-be-an-alcoholic/ and https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/rebound-guy/ some months back, make sure you have a look see when you have some time.
All I can say is that when you have had a major break up sometimes the best medicine is to be on your own because like you said someone will get hurt in the end.
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Thanks for your comment. I’ll definately take a look at your posts.
Totally agree MASTURDATING it the way forward (I’ll be posting on that soon).
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I will be patiently waiting for it…
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Sending you positive vibes
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I was dating my ex girlfriend for 2 years when it ended. She broke up with me while we were on vacation. It took me nearly a month to get over it. What made it harder was that we lived down the street from each other on the same block, and we were still friendly. I kept a eye on her place when she was out of town and walked her dog. Finally realizing that I wasn’t in a relationship for the first time in many years I finally decided it was time to enjoy being single. In that same time she decided to stop being friends altogether it was hard for her to being friends with out having feelings for me. Long story short I started dating and each one got worse and worse one woman wasn’t over her ex even though she went out with me for 2 dates and as we were making plans for a 3rd date she finally said she had unresolved feelings for her ex.
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Guess these things take a long time.
The whole being ‘friends’ thing is easier said than done, especially in the immediate aftermath of a break up. Maybe after sometime it’ll happen, but don’t hold out for it.
I wouldn’t be so hard on that lady that went out with you a couple of times. People often rush back into dating, simply to prove to themselves and others that they are OK with the break up and for some it takes more than one date to figure out if they like someone. It sounds like in her care it wasn’t even a question of whether she liked you in the end, but more about her rushing to find anyone who could help her get over her ex.
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I wish she was honest about it from the beginning …but it worked out for me in the end …I ended up meeting and marrying my one and only not to long after
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Fair enough… but going on 2/3 dates with someone and then figuring out you are not in the right space for a relationship isn’t terrible. She may not have even known when she first met you but only a few dates in. Don’t be too harsh on her, be glad she didn’t drag the whole thing on for months.
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I’m not mad at her she and everyone else since did me a favor by clearing space for me to meet my one and only
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See everything happens for a reason…even the frogs 😉
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You have to know when a frog is a frog though.
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it’s more difficult when it is the man who suddenly loses weight and works out and becomes beyond gorgeous!
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Totally agree with you there 🙂 You just need to keep reminding yourself he is your ex for a reason and a new body is never gonna change the reasons things ended…unless it was a case of you dumping him because he was fat, in which case, problem solved…take him back 😉
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I’ll admit, my favorite way to rebound is drinks and rebound sex. Maybe not the best thing to do, but it works everytime. What I never, ever suggest is trying to sleep with your Ex to try to get over your Ex. I can’t tell you how many times I thought this was a good idea (it seriously never is)
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At least the booze and rebound sex sounds fun…and if it works for you why not. I don’t see the logic of sleeping with the ex to get over them…maybe to win them back. But strange things happen in this phase.
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I think some people think you need to ween yourself off of the person, which is never a good idea. Too many friends of mine kept sleeping with their ex’s well after a breakup and it always confused me.
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I disagree slightly with rebound hook ups being good for nothing. As you said in your comment on my post about the hook-up culture, some action makes you feel wanted and that’s exactly what we need after a break-up when we feel unwanted, unattractive and like we’ll never be in a relationship again. The point is not to have any expectations towards the rebound relation.
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Totally…and also to realise u r particularly vulnerable after a break up and being used and abused by the wrong guy could result in you hitting rock bottom. But I guess the main thing is taking one day at a time and if booze and attention from the opposite sex helps then it’s all good.
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It is the rebound phase after all so whatever makes you happy is good.
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The rebound hook-up has definitely come back to bite me in the ass a few times. Meanwhile, my ex of four years married his rebound. Talk about a slap in the face. Of course, after we broke up, I did the whole new look thing, changing my hair, losing some weight, so I know I’m cuter than her… even though she still won in the end. Whatever, I don’t want him back anyway. Haha!
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She didn’t win…she got your sloppy seconds
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