The Hook-up Culture

hercampus.com

The urban dictionary defines the verb “to hook up” as both making out and having sex with someone. Therefore when someone tells you that they hooked up with X ot Y you can never be sure what happened unless you asked for the details. Some people, especially females, tend to take pride in not sleeping with people but just hooking up in the making out sense as grinding against a stranger and stimulating their genitals through clothes (or not) is unlike having actual sex, considered better (read: less slutty). Let’s, however, leave the nonsense of sex related issues for another post and focus on the hook-up culture itself.

What is the hook-up culture? A culture that accepts, if not encourages, short term bonding for sexual purposes. Of course you can hook up with a friend or upgrade “vibing” into a relationship with a hook-up but in general what’s meant by the term hook-up is meeting someone at the bar/going out on a date and doing something (basically a stranger or a semi-stranger is involved).

The popularity of the phenomenon is quite obvious.You often hear about Tinder being good for hook-ups only and I’m sure that the “dating app” disguise may fool many ladies looking for love. Some gentlemen are open enough to confess that they’re after hook-ups only and bless them for that, at least chicks looking for something else will swipe them “no”. Even OKCupid, being an open dating website, had to address the issue and has a tick “casual sex” among its options when setting up THE “I’m looking for” section of the profile.

Is hook-up culture a bad thing? There are definitely some positive aspects of it. Human beings are sexual and having an opportunity to satisfy these needs without being judged is better than suppression as it may lead to guys hidden in the bush near beaches and wanking while staring at ladies in bikinis (true story from Tunisia). It’s also much better to screw around than to get married just because it’s the only way to get laid which is still the case in some conservative cultures. Last but not least, I think it’s good for people to have an opportunity to realize that sex can be an empty experience and as much as it can satisfy some of our needs, it won’t quench our thirst for affection or the feeling of loving and being loved.

On the downside, the hook-up culture may make it more difficult, particularly for men, to be open about wanting something more than sex. After all, in the world which values the numbers more than the depth and contentment in male-female relations, a partnership seeker may not be the most popular and respected one. The ladies are also affected negatively, as they’re valued not for their personalities but for their attractiveness and the fact that they own a vagina. Of course, some of the ladies may be minimizing men to be merely penis owners but as I discussed in my post, I doubt it’s often the case.

To summarize, the hook-up culture like anything else has its pros and cons. I think as long as people are honest with others about what they want it’s fine to do whatever. Unfortunately, we are often ashamed to admit to ourselves that we want love and believe to some extent that sex is enough to make us happy. It’s easier to keep believing so, if everyone around us seems to be doing the same thing.

Now, Dear Reader, please share your views on the hook-up culture. Can the Western culture be referred to in this way? Or is it an exaggeration and hook-ups are nothing more than a marginal issue?

32 comments

  1. The key word in this post is….IF…little word big meaning …if the person is honest with you , If you want the same thing (hookup) If nether of you have any feelings of wanting more…of course the Westren cuture can be referred to as the Hook Up Culture, also realize …many of the hook ups end in pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

    Liked by 2 people

    • The repercussions are indeed an important matter in general. I should have mentioned it in the cons of the trend. Of course, the risks are much lower if people are informed and remain cautious, which unfortunately often isn’t the case.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t necessarily disagree with the making out aspect of hooking-up culture, everyone just needs to feel attractive and wanted once in a while and finding a meaningful interaction with someone you find physically attractive is easier said than done (believe me I know). But as mentioned by bklynboy59, the problems arise when the making out escalates to full on sexual relations…even if you don’t get yourself knocked up or plagued with the latest STI, a one-night stand/FWB arrangement will certainly leave most people feeling a little cheap. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Most women I think. For the guys it’s often a source of pride. Although I do remember a guy who told me that hook ups in general make him feel cheap and the further they go the worse.

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    • Thank you for your comment 😊 I was never much of a hook-up person exactly because of that reason. I was getting attached to guys I should never ever date after one make out session 😉

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  3. I think you hit on some great points! There isn’t anything inherently wrong with hookup culture, the issues really come when dishonesty is thrown in. Most issues people have with hooking up is when someone is dishonest. Whether it’s because they are dishonest about their intentions, what they’re looking for, or even if they are dishonest about whether or not they are okay with just hooking up.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think dishonesty about the intentions is the most common one. Often, because people don’t entirely know what they want from the other one and when they learn it’s difficult to stop hooking up because they’ve realised it’s not going any further. Usually it’s one side aware of it and the other one still hoping that it’s just a runway and something serious will eventually follow.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes! That’s why I always tell people to communicate about what they want, and what they think they are with the person they are sleeping with or planning to sleep with. Some people will just assume certain apps (Tinder) are exclusively for hookups so will assume that if you’re on that app you are down to hookup.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think communication is difficult in all relationships, the younger the bind, the more difficult it is. Plus, people often prefer to pretend to be cool than to admit that they care about someone.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Agreed. We fall into the trap of pretending to not care because we think it will come off as cooler, but often times we’re working against our own self interest. Knowing where you stand with someone is more important than appearing “cool” are “chill”

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      • Agreed. With such an attitude we ultimately always end up only hurting ourselves. It’s difficult not to fear the rejection, though. Of course it’s better to be rejected today than waste few months of your life and be hurt tomorrow but people don’t do what’s good for them, they do what’s easy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • 😄 I say that with all the unpleasant stuff it’s like with waxing – it’s painful but the faster you do it the less it hurts 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  4. […] Recently, I’ve found myself getting increasingly irritated with the foolish fools I come across on Tinder. It is no secret that we live visual age. It may sad for the more eloquent amongst us but the truth is a good picture trumps the written word these days. In fact, you’ll find that most people on Tinder won’t even bother to put pen to paper – it’s simply a matter of uploading a couple of photos showing your best angle/that you are in fact an interesting human being, adding the appropriate filter or sufficiently photo shopping said pictures and BOOM there you have it…SEX FOR DAYS!! […]

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  5. […] Recently, I’ve found myself getting increasingly irritated with the foolish fools I come across on Tinder. It is no secret that we live visual age. It may sad for the more eloquent amongst us but the truth is a good picture trumps the written word these days. In fact, you’ll find that most people on Tinder won’t even bother to put pen to paper – it’s simply a matter of uploading a couple of photos showing your best angle/that you are in fact an interesting human being, adding the appropriate filter or sufficiently photo shopping said pictures and BOOM there you have it…SEX FOR DAYS!! […]

    Like

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