Is Love Ever Truly Blind?

is love blind?

I recently learnt that this idea of love being blind dates back to Shakespearean times. I guess, being physically attractive mattered less back in those days when life was simpler, MAC make-up didn’t exist and your folks decided who you’d marry. Theoretically I agree that love should be blind. Why should it matter if someone has a pretty face or great fashion sense…after all good looks fade with time and at the end of the day we are all going to end up as a bag of bones regardless? However, I think if we are honest with ourselves, we realise that appearances matter more these days than we’d like to admit.

Swiping for a Soulmate

As part of the smartphone generation, we use Tinder to help us in our quest for love. I’m out and proud about my use of this app, unlike the majority who are embarrassed to admit they are on Tinder (they don’t want their highbrow friends to know that they looking for a hook-up with a HOTTIE half their age).

But does swiping left or right based on a single picture of a person (let us admit we rarely read the profile before we actually match with them) make us really superficial? To some extent yes, but how is it any different from real life? It’s not like we run up to every ugly troll on the street and strike up a conversation in the hope that they could possibly be ‘the one’. On the other hand, isn’t it scary to think we could swipe left and lose out the chance to meet our soul mate just because the photo was taken at a bad angle ?

Blind Dates

While allowing your friend to play Cilla Black and set you up on a blind date might seem like a more traditional form of dating, remember times have changed and nothing has to be ‘blind’ anymore.

Take for instance, the occasion where you agree to a blind date because you kinda owe a friend a favour but you strategically used the one piece of information that the matchmaker has disclosed (the guy’s rather unique name) to perform a Facebook stalking exercise which confirms he isn’t your type. Still a deal’s a deal, so you maintain faith in the matchmaker, and go through with the date. But in the end, despite some good conversation (and free flowing booze), Facebook didn’t lie and there really is no attraction, proving once again that appearances really do matter.

Pity Parties

DISCLAIMER: I am being honest so don’t hate me for this one.

So, you’ve been chatting to a guy on OKC for a while, he seems (and looks) nice enough but when you meet…you notice he has some severe facial disfigurement. It seems he strategically managed to hide this in his profile photos. Technically, there is nothing wrong with that (because it’s the same difference as having straightened hair in a picture and then breaking some dudes spirit by pitching with your naturally curly locks – true story). But all you feel is sorry for this guy, and spend the whole date wondering what happened to him.

When he asks you out again part of you feel obliged to go out of sympathy but you realise nothing meaningful can come from feeling sorry for a person, so you rope in a trusty male friend of yours to help you write a WhatsApp (basically saying you are not in a good space for anything romantic – white lie) to let him down gently.

Ok dear readers…how important do you think looks are in the 21st century dating game? Do you think we’ve become so obsessed with appearances that we overlook some really great (slightly less good looking) people? And finally, should you ever date someone out of sympathy?

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42 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · July 9, 2015

    Looks are always important regardless of the century we live in. We will always judge people on looks because we do not have the insight to know what a person I really like at first glance . Which is why so many of us misjudge a person and they may either be rotten to the core , or end up being someone that is the nicest person you will ever meet. Should you date someone out of sympathy? Let’s turn the question the other way …Would you want someone to date you out of sympathy?

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

      In response to your question…I guess not unless of course he was one of those hard to pin down guys, that us good girls always chase after (jokes). Seriously, though, I don’t agree we should date or be friends or anything with a person out of sympathy, but rather because we actually like them. I just think it must be hard for some people with dating, they are just out there looking for love like the rest of us and its quite rubbish that in most cases people won’t see past the glaringly obvious.

      Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · July 9, 2015

        Then that is someone else’s loss

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

        Agreed. While its rubbish that some people probably experience more rejection than others, I guess it can also be seen as a blessing in disguise, because they’ll be attracting a better quality of person.

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · July 9, 2015

        my point with the question was if you don’t want someone to date you out of sympathy then you should not do the same to anyone else.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bklynboy59 · July 9, 2015

        The golden rule of treating others as you want them to do to you applies even in dating

        Liked by 1 person

  2. zlotybaby · July 9, 2015

    I think love can be sort of blind. I agree with you that looks are important in dating but the importance of it comes down to being attracted to someone or not. Sometimes what others consider not that hot may be super hot for us and the other way round. Also, I think there’s something cute about people’s imperfections if you’re into them. Very hot people, especially the ones with “perfect” looks, get boring from my experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

      Totally agree with you….when you get smitten with a person you often don’t see the elderly troll that your friends see…instead your become absorbed in a persons charm/banter-ability…but those are very special cases. 😉

      Like

      • zlotybaby · July 9, 2015

        Beauty definitely doesn’t hurt 😉

        Like

      • EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

        Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know lack of beauty, helps lessen the blow when you get daughter-zoned by an elderly troll 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  3. patriciamanning · July 9, 2015

    Way to embrace your use of Tinder, EnglishRosiee! As I professed in an earlier comment on WISO’s, I have engaged in sex for just the sake of wanting to have sex, so yes, physical attraction is important, if not vital. As I did not look for emotional or mental connection, there had to be a definite physical connection. Apart from one guy, years ago, all the guys I have meet from online or app based meeting platforms have looked like their profile pics. What issue I began to run into however, is the fact that it is hard to determine height! Even though I listed my height, I kept meeting dates, attractive in the face, but a fair bit shorter than me…

    It is fair that physical attraction lies very high up on my importance list, as it does for everyone whether the like to admit it or not. The good thing is that attraction can be a very broad thing! Not all my notches on my bedpost looked the same, or even remotely alike… something that my friends would complain about because they could not determine my “type.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

      Hey P,

      The height thing is defo something I’ve also had to deal with on many occasions (maybe I need to do a post on all the shorties in CT). In most cases, I haven’t been able to overlook the height difference. Except in one particular where what he lacked in height, he made up for with charm…but those cases are rather rare and we all have appearance things that we are attracted too/repulsed by.

      Like

  4. Nortina S. · July 9, 2015

    I tend to date plain-looking guys, mainly because I have a hard time trusting guys who are prettier than me. LOL! So for me, maybe love is blind? Still, there has to be some kind of physical attraction too. I think physical attraction draws you in, but it’s the personality that keeps you. Unfortunately, with plain-looking guys, at least for me, you start to venture into that overly-attached, insecure (“Do I bring you peace?”), stalker type. So maybe it’s better to go with the douchebag pretty boy? There’s bound to be one who’s not a total jerk, right?

    Like

    • EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

      I totally agree with you here ‘physical attraction draws you in, but it’s the personality that keeps you’. In fact, I think that in some cases if a the guy has a good personality, it can make him more attractive and that’s more important in the long-run.

      Insecurities and low self esteem are issues for another post entirely, but I get what you are saying.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I think how people look at the attractiveness of the people they date depends entirely on how they date. I’m sure that on a dating app/website people tend to be more critical of how people look, but if you meet someone in person you’re more likely to give them a bit of leeway when it comes to looks, because they have a chance to charm you. I wouldn’t say we’re obsessed with appearances today anymore than we were when our parents were dating. It’s just that we have the opportunity for people to see more and more how looks-centric we can be. I think it’s safe to say that if you’re using Tinder, you’ve rejected more people based on just their looks than your parents, but that’s only because you’re seeing more potential daters than they ever did.
    I think that you should never, ever, date out of sympathy. You can date someone despite their looks, but you should never date someone only because of their looks (whether it’s because they’re soooo attractive, or sooooo unattractive)
    That’s my two cents

    Like

  6. EnglishRosiee · July 9, 2015

    I think that’s sound advice. You make a good point about the fact that we have more choice these days because of technology and this may allow us to be more fussy the previous generations. But I also think that lack of success in relationships is because we have too much choice, people are always wondering if they could get someone better/prettier and considering their options.

    Like

  7. Svegliati Cara · July 9, 2015

    My blind date was a blast. You hit on the nail. When you go on to these affairs you owe some one or you’re desperate for a free dinner! The guy thinks your desprete enough to put up with him, after all where would you be without him? So he thinks! Thanks for sharing and visiting.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. andanje · July 9, 2015

    Very interesting piece. Looks do matter. The human race is a superficial lot. You can get away with alot of things when you are good looking. Its the way of the world unfortunately.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · July 10, 2015

      Thanks for reading 🙂 Glad you liked it. True true…the people who are good looking and know how to use it get away with murder or heartbreak (same difference)

      Like

  9. j2mazou · July 11, 2015

    For as long as you’re young enough to be choosy, don’t you think having an attraction and a spark is important. A necessity even? It’s not companionship you’re after – you have friends who can chat about the weather over a nice strong cuppa. You want that spark which makes you swoon and a kiss which makes your foot pop. And you don’t get that with someone ugly but sweet…

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · July 12, 2015

      Lol….you r right. But I am learning that life is not always so clear cut. Sometimes you have a sparkle with someone everyone thinks is a troll….The troll knows he has charm and uses this to his advantage. You might be the pretty one in that relationship but he is the one calling the shots.

      Then u have the fairly good looking types that just bore you because they have no game. And they repulse u with the tone of their voice or poor use of English vocabulary.

      Like

  10. Mek! · July 12, 2015

    I think looks are important. Your looks give the first impression about who you are. It’s not just the level of attractiveness, but how you carry yourself, how you groom yourself, how you take care of your appearances, your body language, etc, all communicate something about you. I can honestly say that I can look at someone’s picture and have a good idea of what that person is about. I am rarely wrong about my first instinct about someone when I’m swiping along through a dating app. I’ve seen some people who look attractive and at the same time look completely boring lol. I don’t know what it is. I can’t put my finger on it, but there is definitely something behind each picture a person has of themselves that communicates who they are.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · July 14, 2015

      Thanks for reading 🙂 You made a good point about grooming/body language,etc. In my own social circle, I can think on one person who wouldn’t be considered traditionally beautiful, but because of her great personality, confidence, originality she always attracts lots of people, even just on a friendship level people gravitate towards her because she is happy and that makes her attractive. I can also think of examples where someone who is blessed with good skin, hair and looks much younger than she really is but has failed to attract anyone because of her bitterness which actually shines through in her body language/mannerisms and scares off all the boys. I am pretty sure it might be so strong it would come through on a Tinder pic as well 😉

      Like

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  12. Nato · July 14, 2015

    Interesting topic for sure. I think looks have to matter to one extent. Not that the person has to be a supermodel, but they do have to be drawn to each other in some ways that at least bring them to start a conversation. Perhaps once you are “in love,” the looks can fade and love will become blind. Because at that point, the couple is invested in each other at that point. They love them, both good and bad.
    On the blind date topic, I went out on one recently and it is turning into a fairytale to say the least. I really didn’t expect anything from it, and therefore didn’t even look him up on social media before hand. I went in thinking I was just going out with friends (couple introducing us went with us) and that was all. I left meeting this wonderful man and we are now a couple living a wonderful romance. This romance has turned into several posts on my blog so far too, but here is the story of us meeting….https://chasinglifeandfindingdreams.wordpress.com/2015/07/01/from-blind-date-to-fairytale/

    Liked by 1 person

  13. EnglishRosiee · July 14, 2015

    Awww…nice to hear fairytales do still exist – look forward to checking out your blog. It must just be me experiencing working my way through every possible dating horror story 😉

    I think about the importance of looks fades once you are in the relationship. Partly, because you get so used to seeing that person everyday that you don’t really notice their looks or whether they got fat, etc. You just kinda accept them as they are and move beyond the looks…so in that respect love is blind.

    Like

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