Is there any hope for ‘True Love’ in the Ashley Madison Era ?

Ashley Madison - Cheats

Being a single girl is tough – searching for true love while having to contend with DIY missions, holding down a full time job, kissing frogs, painful beauty treatments, and just generally trying to make light of all the dating disasters we experience. And then something like the Ashley Madison privacy hack rears its ugly head, and one begins to question their faith in humanity and whether this ideal of finding our Prince Charming, popping out kids and moving to the suburbs, is really worth pursuing.

Surely, the fact that we are bombarded with wedding pictures everytime we log onto Facebook, should give us hope that love is all around? Hmmm…Maybe I am a bit cynical but I really do wonder how many of these ‘happy’ marriages will still exist in 10-15 years time? Its somewhat comforting to know that despite being single now, my decision to live in sin wasn’t all that bad when you consider all those married and divorced by 30 types, that we find roaming around. And with tools like Ashley Madison available to us is it really any wonder that marriages/relationships don’t last?

For those of you that have been living under a rock, Ashley Madison is a well-established (it pre-dates Tinder) adultery website with the slogan ‘Life is short. Have an Affair’. I’m not going to waste time debating whether or not the site’s 37 million users should be named and shamed for being a bunch of philanderers, because this has been discussed ad nauseum but this story does make me question what hope there is for a single girl looking for old fashioned romance these days?

Often people say that the situation was different in our parents/grandparents time where folks just settled for someone from their own village instead of chasing some Hollywood notion of ‘true love’. However, although more of these old school marriages lasted longer, I doubt they were as wholesome as we’d like to believe. I mean surely not all 37 million Ashley Madison members are below 35? They are all somebody’s father, mother, uncle, daughter or grandmother. And since prostitution is said to be the world’s oldest profession, some of these cheaters/homewreckers must have been around since the dark ages as well, right?

Still we can’t blame Ashley Madison for the sad state of society today. If a person has the inclination to have an affair, they’ll attract it and yes the internet might make it easier to meet someone else with the same low moral standards,  it certainly can’t be blamed for creating more philanderers. I do think, however, that it does tell us something about human nature and that when exposed to unprecedented levels of choice, people become unwilling to settle for nice/wholesome/bog-standard relationships. It seems there are tonnes of people that would opt for the adrenaline rush (and possible STI) that comes with sneaking around having a clandestine relationship (aka secret sex).

Ultimately though, the success of Ashley Madison highlights that maybe I’m in the minority and not everyone out there is looking for their fairytale ending. However, being an optimist, I’d still say that the existence of ‘more traditional’ sites like OKCupid, Plenty Of Fish and Match.Com prove that there are still a sizeable number of decent folk around looking for something a little more real. So, to all the single gals, let’s keep our chins up and continue searching Prince Charming, because if we give up that’ll be a win for the sad spinsters, heartbreakers and adultering scumbags of this world and we can’t have that.

Now peeps, tell us what you think. Is the world really so full of cheaters? And should the singletons just give up already (and maybe consider joining Ashley Madison to break up a marriage instead)?

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Single White Female – Girl Crushes Gone Wrong

Single White Female

When the title of a movie, becomes synonymous with a certain type of crazy in everyday language, it’s a sign that the film must be worth watching. Although, I have vague recollections of having watched Single White Female as a kid (it dates back to 1992 when I was young and innocent). I just remember being eww’d that there was so much ginger going on there. But recently, due continuous SWF references made to incidents in my own life, I was inspired to re-watch the movie.

While the film is a bit far-fetched but the story is timeless and touches on something many have experienced. It tells the tale of an incredibly needy women taking advantage of her flatmate who has just gone through a (partial) break-up. As it goes, the two chicks get on pretty well to begin with…hanging out, doing DIY, even getting a puppy together (doesn’t end well for this fur ball). But trouble strikes when the prettier, more confident girl, Ally, starts to get her life back on track – getting back together with her man, landing a good job, etc. Suddenly, Heddie (the needy one) loses her purpose in life (which basically revolves around being Ally’s BFF) and BOOM she becomes the ultimate frenemy.

Rent the movie to see what happens, but it’s a pretty grim tale. But what I find even scarier is that SWFs exist in real life (although they are not restricted to being Caucasian in anyway) and I’ve had my share of run ins (yup, plural) with them. It all starts fairly innocently, usually after some sort of trauma, such as a break-up or losing your job. The SWF swoops in like the female equivalent of your knight in shining armour – she becomes your everything; shoulder to cry on, wing-woman, relationship guru, career coach, chauffeur – she can literally morph into anything your heart desires. Her goal – to see you ‘happy’ (and under her spell so she can keep you close). But then without you even noticing she muscles into to all areas of your life. She’ll become buddy-buddy with the security guard at your complex and be waiting outside your flat with groceries one day when you arrive home after a hard day’s work. She’ll take up the same hobby as you, even investing in a state of the art bike and cleats (death wish!) and basically follow you around like a love sick puppy.

In some cases, you’ll get wind of her girl crush at the early stages and the ‘friendship’ will be easy enough to end. Sometimes you can even do this gently in a rather tactful way, maybe palming her off onto some other unsuspecting soul. But it most cases, SWFs don’t get the hint so easily and you’ll have to resort to more hostile tactics. Maybe enlist the help of a new, younger, more vibey BFF which’ll simply serve to send SWF’s jealousy levels through the roof. Or better yet (as we discussed in relation to frenemies) allow her to reveal her true colours by innocently hanging out with a man she LOVES (in her eyes you are sleeping with him). But regardless, of the approach to use to rid yourself of the SWF, be sure to understand that her attitude towards you will change as soon as you show the slightest sign of recovering from your trauma and becoming independent.

OK, so all of you, go watch the movie. It is an important reminder for us all to be careful when we’re at our most vulnerable. Remember that there really is no such thing as free lunch and for God’s sake beware of the SWF. And share your SWF stories in the comments below.

P.S. While its unlikely that your real life SWF will get the same god-awful hair do as you, if anyone suggests purchasing matching clothing LOUD alarm bells should go off!

Intimate Hair Removal: Hollywood and Co

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One of the demons of human biology is unwanted body hair, including the pubes. Would life not be easier if we didn’t have them at all? The evolutionary protection of our precious genitals is a nuisance in the modern world which prefers us hairless. One may of course argue the need for the hair removal and call it an unnecessary aesthetic treatment but the adherence to the culturally driven phenomenon makes (many of) us feel more comfortable in the bedroom.

When we decide to get rid of hair “down there”, the question of how to do it still remains. I guess a natural first attempt at controlling the bushiness of our intimate area is shaving. Cheap and reasonably quick, it unfortunately has many drawbacks. The hair grows back quickly, the area gets itchy and not pleasant for the eye. Plus, what always freaks me out the most is that there’s a risk of hurting ourselves. In short, shaving works but is not a perfect method.

One of the alternatives is using hair removal creams. I have no experience with this particular method. My research suggests that its effects last slightly longer than shaving, but at the same time it’s more expensive. There’s also epilating which I tried once because it worked quite well for my legs, and boy, oh boy, I regretted the experiment quite deeply.

The method I find the best is wax. The first time I went for “a Brazilian” it hurt like hell and I was embarrassed to get undressed in front of a stranger who was supposed to take care of my most private business. However, I realized that similarly as my gyni, my beautician is a professional and she won’t be impressed by dealing with yet another vagina. Additionally, waxing hurts less every time as it makes hair get thinner. At a price ranging from 100 to 300 rand, depending on your service provider and whether you want it all out (Hollywood), with a stripe left (Brazilian) or with a slightly narrowed jungle (Bikini), it isn’t too expensive for a monthly treatment. A big flaw is the last week before your next session when you’re already quite hairy but your hair is too short for the next waxing.

Last but not least, there’s the ultimate solution – the laser treatment. It’s supposed to last you forever, even though I’ve heard about cases of hair coming back years after the procedure. It can be quite pricey but if you get a good deal and hunt a special you’ll end up paying close to what you pay for wax. I’m quite freaked out at the thought of the treatment, though and I find it quite intrusive even if according to research my fear is ungrounded.

Now, it’s time for you Dear Reader, to tell me what is your preferred method of hair removal. Or maybe you don’t think it should be done at all? 

The ‘Joy’ of Secret Sex

SECRET SEX SHHH

Sex. While some may believe that it is sacred, I seem to be encountering more and more people that view it as a primal need, nothing more than an itch that needs scratching. These types (including but not limited to WISOs/MISOs) do not require any semblance of a relationship before they drop their panties. In fact there doesn’t even need to be any kind of attraction between the two parties. All that is required a mutual desire to get busy and (hopefully) some form of protection (let me remind you dear readers that HIV/AIDS is rife in South Africa).

These days, with all the choice made available through technological innovations, the dating pool can potentially be huge. No longer limited to meeting our significant other through mutual friends or family connections, we can make our own introductions through internet dating resources at our fingertips. However,with all this additional choice also comes a reluctance to commit to anything or anyone. Take the La-Di-Dah Princess who has everything that money can buy. Everything accept true love. Along comes the good-natured Afrikaans boy, who has been eyeing our Princess. It could potentially be a match made in heaven, but alas, while she likes him to an extent the Princess does not wish to commit as she’d rather wait for a rich sophisticated man to come along, someone who appreciates the finer things in life, and is more than just the class clown.

Although he knows the truth and even takes a vow of celibacy to allow her to make up her mind, he too is not willing to cut ties. The solution to this problem? Secret Sex.The great thing about Secret Sex is that it allows the Princess and this Court Jester to spend their Saturday night rolling like thunder under the covers without having to deal with any of the challenges that come with being in a committed relationship. No meeting the parents or having to go on double dates. Just pure unadulterated bedroom action.

This kind of Friends with Benefits (FWB) style arrangement is one thing, but you’ll find that Secret Sex is happening where you least expect it, even between ‘people’ who claim they can’t stand each other. For a head-in-the-clouds type of girl like me, (recently-established) deal breakers may include things like him being gainfully employed and having the ability (car and licence) to drive my lazy-ass around, but others set the bar much lower. The only requirement for a little bit of action is not attraction, wit, or a good physique but simply that he is easily accessible and always available (he has no hobbies so literally sits around twiddling his thumbs till he receives her whatsapp), so that whenever the need arises he is able to answer the booty call almost immediately. And after the objectives have been realised, he simply returns home with no need for a Uber.

But the sad truth is, these arrangements of convenience are not as ‘secret’ as these little genius’ would have us believe. The fact is their ‘clandestine’ little bedroom adventures are common knowledge. I mean really, do you think you can hide that post-coital glow from your besties? And do these crazies really believe that Secret Sex can carry on forever without any repercussions? Because it can’t, eventually one party (sad to say it, but it’s usually us ladies) will get attached and start imagining our happily-ever-after with that guy that was only ever meant to be our fuck buddy.

If you want my humble opinion on the matter, I doubt there can be much ‘joy’ in Secret Sex and it would be easier not to go down this path in the first place. If you want a fling, do it,own it and go out for a drink afterwards. If you can’t do that, at least opt for the rampant rabbit (less risk of catching an STI). Regardless, don’t kid yourself into thinking that your affair is actually ‘secret’ and that feelings won’t get hurt somewhere down the line.

Looking, Season 1: Review

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The 2014 HBO series “Looking” is a sneak peek into the gay community in San Francisco that’s definitely worth having a look at (get it? #wednesdaycheesyhumorday). I’m freshly after the experience of watching the first season and I’m looking forward to watch the second one.

The production mostly evolves around three gay friends, Patrick, Dom and Augustin. Patrick is trapped in a choice between a Latino man who cares about him but comes from a different world and his gay boss with whom he has a lot in common but who, unfortunately, is in a relationship. Dom is single, approaching 40 and dreams about opening his own restaurant. Augustin is in an unfulfilled artist and a narcissist in a long term relationship that isn’t as traditional as it seems.

HBO decided to play it safe and first season had quite short episodes for a comedy drama (below half an hour each). Nevertheless, we manage to get attached to the characters who are quite easy to relate to. Yes, there’s a lot of nudity and I guess more casual sex than you’d see in a typical series of this sort but the core of the characters’ issues is similar to the ones everyone’s having. The gay community isn’t presented as this glamourous, alien world with a lot of glitter and leather that we often see on TV and on the big screen.

It’s not all love and romance either. There’s a lot of focus on the characters’ professional aspirations and resulting struggles that probably make the presented world more plausible. However, although in general their lives are credible, there are moments when as a viewer we do question whether a character could afford a centrally located flat or whether finding wealthy business partners could be that easy.

The series is quite light even when dealing with more serious issues. The theme of the difficulty of coming out is touched upon and it is suggested that even in a seemingly liberal America, being gay is not always as easy as it should be.

An interesting fact about the series is that apart of the you-just-have-to-love-him Latino character (Raul Castillo) who is straight in real life, all other actors in the series are gay. Including Russel Tovey who you may know from the British version of “Being Human” and who unwillingly outraged the gay community by saying that he’s happy to be a “masculine” gay.

Last but not least, there’s the mystery of the title which leaves the interpretation of it to the viewer. Does looking mean looking for someone or something as this is was the characters are doing? Does it refer to superficiality and looking in a good or bad way? Or maybe it’s just about having an look into a gay community? I’m sure the authors know and I feel like the first explanation makes most sense to me.

I think the series is definitely an interesting one and those who enjoy a good drama won’t be disappointed.

Frenemies

complete wellbeing.comDating is a difficult thing as it is. We have to find a person we’re interested in, the person needs to be interested in us back and then we have to make this thing called a relationship work as well. The existence of frenemies, which means people who pretend to be our friends but actually are our rivals and will screw us over when it’s convenient for them, only makes the whole business more difficult.

Rivalry for a man can ruin a friendship between women. Actually, if they want the same guy and to save the friendship it’s better to give up the chase for him altogether. For when one gets the man and the other doesn’t, the one who didn’t end up with the man is rarely truly fine with it (depends on the strength of feelings for him, of course). After such an experience her self-esteem may get weaker and her hurt ego may stop her from acting in her friend’s (and her relationship’s) best interest. The result of this may be nothing (as the frenemy’s belief that mingling with someone’s boyfriend is morally wrong is stronger than the pain of a hurt ego), may be some flirtation (after all, HE is the one who has a girlfriend and HE must behave) or a full on plan to get the guy. Only in the first case scenario and when the one who “lost” can eventually get over the fact and understand that it’s all about being or not being a match with a guy and not “wining” and “losing”, can the friendship be saved (and it won’t hurt if the other one meets someone too). This is what I’d call a circumstantial frenemy, in other words, the friendship was genuine till the circumstances questioned it.

As I’m sure you’ve figured out, I think there’s also another sort of frenemy and this is someone who has never been your friend at the first place. Be it your guy, your achievements, or your social life (possibly all of the above mentioned) she is actually jealous of you as the default. She secretly dislikes you, thinks you don’t deserve what you have (but is your friend out of convenience) and feels better than you in all respects. She’ll wait for the moment when you’re weak and will use the knowledge she has about you against you. She’ll try to take what she thinks she deserves anyway, even if she actually doesn’t want it, just to prove to you who’s truly “the better” one.

Now, that I’m older and wiser, I can only recommend you, Dear Readers not to get involved in any sort of similar scenarios, whichever side you find yourself on. If you can’t genuinely be friends with someone or you feel they don’t have your best interest at heart just trust your gut feelings and withdraw. There’s no point in getting involved in competitions that regardless of the result end up with having two bitter and hurt losers.

To Sext or Not To Sext?

Sexting

A recent conversation really made me feel my age. Subject matter: Snap Chat. For those, like me, who are in the dark, Snap Chat is app which allows the young(er) generation to send photos to each other, but only for a matter of seconds, after which the said picture disappears forever. At first glance, this may seem like a pointless exercise but not if you are an avid SEXTER?

What is Sexting? This is basically when you use smartphone technology to send sexy messages/photos to your significant other/fun time person. Thanks to the celebrity sex tape/revenge porn stories that we see pretty much every week in the media, you’d think people would think twice before sending glorious images of the lady/man bits out in the big bad technologically-savvy world. But it seems not, people seem to love spontaneously sending/receiving pornographic images in the most obscure of places (e.g. church, on the bus, during a dull business meeting,etc.).

There must be some appeal because otherwise there’d be no reason to create an app for the purpose of allowing ‘free’ spirits to be pornstars for a day (well a few seconds) without any repercussions (hard to believe). As a person who carries her life in her somewhat dated smartphone, I realise it was only a matter of time before we not only used these devices to help us find love, but also as a means of embracing our promiscuous side (I see Snap Chat being particularly popular with WISOs/MISOs).

And most of us, even the good girls, get lured into a false sense of security during that honeymoon phase of a relationship and end up being slightly risqué. Trouble only arises when that relationship turns sour and that boy you thought was decent decides to send those dirty photos out to all the pervs of the World Wide Web. Then it’s only a matter of time before one of your ewww uncles, or worse your boss, gets hold of those images that were only intended for the eyes of the man that you oh-so-naively thought would be your future husband. And BOOM there goes your reputation as a decent young lady and your chances of landing your dream job.

There are even cases where the decision to have ‘your’ naked body plastered all over the internet gets taken out of your hands. I’ve always believed that the best friend you can make at the office is not the CEO of the company, but the IT guy, especially in the digital age. Let me tell you a story about an emasculated computer geek, who after one too many rejections from the ladies, took to photo shopping the faces of every girl that had ever had the audacity to look down upon him onto the body of a pornstar and subsequently putting said images all over Facebook for the world to peruse. This is not good, especially if you are hail from a traditional ethnic community where Daddy truly believes his little girl is a virgin when he walks her down the aisle. Let’s just say, this tale didn’t end well, the elders got involved (and probably enjoyed a good old perv) and Mr Computer Geek ended up spending a night in the prison cell.

So, for some brief advice from #englishrosiee (gosh I sound like an OAP), when it comes to sexting, just DON’T, it’ll come back to haunt you (even if you think you’re getting away with it now, those dirty pictures will resurface when you are in an old age home). If, in a moment of madness you do succumb to such an exhibitionist urge, and it does subsequently come to bite you in the backside (pun intended) the only thing left to do is OWN IT – you were young, naïve and (hopefully) in a relationship with a douche bag who you stupidly trusted – people will understand and if they don’t, forget them. Soon, another idiot (maybe the sad spinster who isn’t getting any) will make a porn video with their dog, and you’ll be tomorrow’s news. And NEVER upset the IT guy 😉

Now readers tell us your thoughts on the new fangled phenomenon of Sexting…are you all for the fun times or is it just not worth the risk?

The Bridget Jones Phenomenon

image“Bridget Jones’s Diary” the book became popular when I was still a teenager. I remember relating to it deeply when my teenage heart was broken and the thought that I could be worse off, meaning a thirty year old single smoker who drinks too much and isn’t particularly successful in her career was quite consoling. You surely know Bridget, the woman who goes for a bad boy instead noticing someone of much more value who is interested in her? You do and so did the world, making Bridget a symbol of her times.  Therefore it didn’t come as a surprise that the book was followed by a movie which I considered much better than the original. Let’s be honest, Helen Fielding’s novel, was entertaining and an easy read but it wasn’t a masterpiece of literature. The movie was simply a good movie, with a smartly chosen cast and numerous entertaining scenes, at the same time devoided of the unnecessary and not so funny ones that were included in the novel.

With anticipation I was waiting for the seconds (yet again the book and the movie that followed) and I was, maybe not so surprisingly because they were sequels after all, disappointed. Less funny, less witty and quite predictable sequels made me promise that I will not continue with the series shall anything else ever been produced. The sequel was just a re-telling of the first story with the equally sweet, yet somehow difficult to believe in, ending.

When my mom sent me BJ part III “About the Boy” in the Christmas parcel I had a long internal monologue and eventually decided to read it. Mark is dead and Bridget starts to date again in the age of Twitter. 10 years older and a mother of two who didn’t get even a bit smarter commences a new adventure on the dating market in what turns out to be the same story all over again just with differently named characters.

Why did women (including me) get so crazy about this predictable series? Because it tells us lies about dating and love we would all like to believe in. We all would love to think that we don’t have to have a healthy self-esteem for a man to discover how very special we are, even though we actually feel way below average. We would all like to believe that we don’t need self-reliance and self-development and people who come from completely different educational backgrounds will be charmed by us all the same. Last but not least, the lie that the difficulties in the very beginning of courting are not actually a bad sign and we should still be expecting a happy ending.

Don’t but get me wrong – the series has got a lot right. How it feels when everyone keeps asking you about your prolonging single status, the uncomfortable situations that may result from it, how important drinking sessions with friends are when we’re single. However, apart from this value, the series just keeps repeating the old romantic fantasy of a prince who’ll come and save us from everyone, but first and foremost from ourselves.

(Fatal) Attraction

aliceand.co.uk

The last post by my friend and colleague, #englishrosiee, about the importance of looks in dating has inspired me to write a post about what I find much more important than beauty itself, namely attraction.

I think it’s crucial that we’re attracted to our partner. However, from my experience beauty doesn’t have that much to do with whether we’ll be attracted to someone or not. I remember getting a kiss from a guy with appearance of a supermodel which made me cringe so it’s not the looks but attraction that will (or won’t) make your foot pop. Of course, being conventionally good looking never hurts in the dating business but often  we objectively don’t know where the panties dropping chemistry is coming from.

The secret must be hidden somewhere between looks and behaviour but the small mannerisms of a person matter too. We don’t know why but we start to feel in a certain way and once the attraction is there, it can’t simply be announced null and void, like Henry the VIII’s marriage to Anne Boleyn. We have to live with it till it either ends up in a successful relation or a broken heart. The only choice we’re truly left with is the one between acting on the way we feel or not.

Attraction is important as mentioned before and ideally, the person we’re attracted to is also a person we have a lot in common with and that in general is someone who positively influences us and our lives. If it is so then we basically have no problem. We should totally go for it and who knows, the person may just as well turn out to be the right person, the One, Prince Charming, soulmate, or whatever term you’d like to use for the idea.

However, the problem appears when it’s not so. When we keep being attracted to individuals with no substance, far away from what we really want or even displaying the full range of our pre-established deal breakers. The broke asses, the ones whose interests are limited to booze, the flirts. In other words, the absolute no nos. Sounds familiar? Then you know that attraction can be very treacherous which is the reason why it’s often not good to listen to it.

We all know how difficult it is to tell ourselves not to follow up with the feeling if the mere presence of the person in our surrounding makes our knees go weak. We keep justifying our choice by pointing out the positive things about the person which truly don’t matter to us in long run. “Freakonomics” (a book I recommend for those who like to learn about fascinating yet random connections between stuff) mentions a study in which people would enumerate number of factors important to them in dating before a speed dating session and after it. The results have shown that the before and after qualities would differ. The participants tended to change their initial choice of qualities to the ones that they found in people at the meeting they found attractive.

To sum up, attraction is a definitely important dating factor but we can’t base our romantic decisions purely on it as it can make us decide poorly and feel like we just wasted a chunk of our life when the attraction is gone and we realize that there’s nothing between us and the other person. Alternatively, in the worst case scenario, the attraction is going to make us insane, and we’re going to end up with the nickname Bunny Boiler, a term coined after Gwen Close and her creation in the movie “Fatal Attraction”. Either way, we don’t want that.

Is Love Ever Truly Blind?

is love blind?

I recently learnt that this idea of love being blind dates back to Shakespearean times. I guess, being physically attractive mattered less back in those days when life was simpler, MAC make-up didn’t exist and your folks decided who you’d marry. Theoretically I agree that love should be blind. Why should it matter if someone has a pretty face or great fashion sense…after all good looks fade with time and at the end of the day we are all going to end up as a bag of bones regardless? However, I think if we are honest with ourselves, we realise that appearances matter more these days than we’d like to admit.

Swiping for a Soulmate

As part of the smartphone generation, we use Tinder to help us in our quest for love. I’m out and proud about my use of this app, unlike the majority who are embarrassed to admit they are on Tinder (they don’t want their highbrow friends to know that they looking for a hook-up with a HOTTIE half their age).

But does swiping left or right based on a single picture of a person (let us admit we rarely read the profile before we actually match with them) make us really superficial? To some extent yes, but how is it any different from real life? It’s not like we run up to every ugly troll on the street and strike up a conversation in the hope that they could possibly be ‘the one’. On the other hand, isn’t it scary to think we could swipe left and lose out the chance to meet our soul mate just because the photo was taken at a bad angle ?

Blind Dates

While allowing your friend to play Cilla Black and set you up on a blind date might seem like a more traditional form of dating, remember times have changed and nothing has to be ‘blind’ anymore.

Take for instance, the occasion where you agree to a blind date because you kinda owe a friend a favour but you strategically used the one piece of information that the matchmaker has disclosed (the guy’s rather unique name) to perform a Facebook stalking exercise which confirms he isn’t your type. Still a deal’s a deal, so you maintain faith in the matchmaker, and go through with the date. But in the end, despite some good conversation (and free flowing booze), Facebook didn’t lie and there really is no attraction, proving once again that appearances really do matter.

Pity Parties

DISCLAIMER: I am being honest so don’t hate me for this one.

So, you’ve been chatting to a guy on OKC for a while, he seems (and looks) nice enough but when you meet…you notice he has some severe facial disfigurement. It seems he strategically managed to hide this in his profile photos. Technically, there is nothing wrong with that (because it’s the same difference as having straightened hair in a picture and then breaking some dudes spirit by pitching with your naturally curly locks – true story). But all you feel is sorry for this guy, and spend the whole date wondering what happened to him.

When he asks you out again part of you feel obliged to go out of sympathy but you realise nothing meaningful can come from feeling sorry for a person, so you rope in a trusty male friend of yours to help you write a WhatsApp (basically saying you are not in a good space for anything romantic – white lie) to let him down gently.

Ok dear readers…how important do you think looks are in the 21st century dating game? Do you think we’ve become so obsessed with appearances that we overlook some really great (slightly less good looking) people? And finally, should you ever date someone out of sympathy?