Hating on Dating

disillusioned with dating

It’s official – I am on a self-imposed man-diet.

Hopefully it’s just a temporary glitch (and I have plenty of matter to keep you entertained in the interim). While this means that instead of swiping I’m spending my time reading novels and painting bar stools (rock n roll lifestyle, I know!), this break from the Tinderverse has given me an insight into why people become bitter, twisted haters of dating.

Here are the reasons I’ve become disillusioned with dating:

Money can’t buy butterflies

Although I’ve said that money/power are important when it comes to winning a girls attention, the truth is the lure of wealth/status wears off pretty fast. Take for instance, the sweet guy who drives across town to meet you, takes you out to the swankiest Cape Town eateries and pays you sooooo many compliments that you feel like a supermodel BUT the fact is after just a few days of knowing the dude you find yourself irritated by his mere existence.

Just to make it clear. He smokes like a chimney in your face, ruins your all-time favourite movie (who really needs to over-analyse Bridget Jones?) and defines you by the fact that you are ‘vegetarian’ (is it too much to ask that someone be attracted to me for more than just my eating habits?). These are things you might turn a blind eye to, that is, if you were somewhat interested.

When it comes to chemistry, it’s either there or not. No amount of wishful thinking can make it magically appear. Even giving the girl everything her heart desires can’t buy a foot-popping kiss. Maybe it’s just time to face the truth, those broke-ass bad boys have dibs on the butterflies.

Double Parking Disaster

You’re feeling smug as you’re about to pull off the ultimate Double Parking stunt. Not just attempting to meet two guys in the same night but you’ve masterminded an epic plan to get them in the same room and same time (aka using the good guy to make the bad boy that you like like jealous).

Sadly, like most things in life, it doesn’t go to plan. Turns out that you are too busy schmoozing and forget the plan entirely. Oh, and the bad boy, he turns the tables on you and flirts with every other women in the room.

It seems that your skillsssss aren’t as good as you thought, hey?

Friend Zone Fail

You ‘cleverly’ get involved with someone knowing that there is a definite end in sight (he is leaving town at the end of the week – yayers!). In your silly little head, it all makes perfect sense. But then the dude starts referring to you as his ‘girlfriend’ and asking whether you’d consider a long distance relationship. Been there, done that and despite his smoking hot good looks (which account for it lasting half a decade), it still failed so that’s a NO from me.

This dumb-ass however cannot comprehend that you are just not that into him. Despite the fact that you a) talk about how gorgeous your ex was, b)  get excited about an OAP coming to your party, and c) tell him that he’d make a brilliant boyfriend… for SOMEONE ELSE, he still doesn’t gauge that he is friend-zoned.

And there you were thinking you were a pro at this. It seems not, so you’re left feeling like the A-Grade Biatch.  

Lies Glorious Lies

And the final straw – that Silver Fox/Elderly Troll you’ve been crushing on and who had the audacity friend/daughter zone a pretty YOUNG thing like you (yes seriously!). Well it turns out he actually lied about his age. He has now gone from being old enough to be your father to more like a grandfather. What a joke!

To make matters worse. Despite his lies, fashion faux pas‘ and his inability to commit anything (yup, can’t even agree to a party invite or a fling), the banter is still better than it is with all the other idiots out there.

Finally, when you put all these factors together spending two hours stuck in Standard Bank with your ex looks like the equivalent of a two week vacation in the Maldives. Clearly, its time to have a KitKat.

So there you have it – my reasons for joining the nunnery. Share your words of inspiration in the comments below so maybe I can rediscover my love for my Tinder boys, sooner rather than later…

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30 comments

  1. Hahahaha this is probably my favourite of your posts!!
    It’s totally true – what we should go for (brains over beauty, dependability over spontaneity, etc) are BORING! When we’re young enough to have fun, we should be!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad you liked it 😉 Tried to go for the nice, dependable guy and that just blew up in my face. Sometimes, its easier to go for the bad boy – better the devil you know and all. Even though they’ll break your heart, maybe its better than the overly attached type, hey?

      Don’t worry. I’ll snap out of my disillusioned state soon enough and get back to creating scandal 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh GURL!!! Tinder is such bad news! I tried it from many mental standpoints (dating then hookups then just trying to have one meet me in real life…). It didn’t work well for me, either. Good for you in taking a hiatus. Dating should be seen as a hobby. As I told a really good friend, you should approach it as fun, and if you can’t do that, it’s no fun for anyone! (Remember: no one freaks out over yarn not working out, or the emotional unavailability of scrapbooks.)
    Sage advice: go focus on you, especially if it’s a social hobby. Go join a team, a book club, a knitting circle–or better yet: start one! People are attracted to those that “have it together” so go put yourself together! Have fun with friends. To bastardize the famous line: if you build it (your life), dating will come.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOVE LOVE LOVE this comment. Its exactly what I’ve been trying to tell a male friend of mine for a while now. But I think I should be taking my own advice.

    So I’ll soldier on with my ‘Man Ban’ for a little longer…and finish painting those bar stools 🙂 Plus, I am finding there’s less disappointment when you go out for a run or just hang out with your buddies.

    Still, I do realise I can’t hate on men forever, just cos of a few bad experiences with some frogs…otherwise there’s a potential of turning into a crazy cat lady (I’ll blog on that next week ;)).

    Thanks for your advice:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Does any guy ever gauge that he’s been friend-zoned? Friend-zoned men are the moodiest bunch you’ll ever meet. Maybe they should start a book club! LOL! This was a great post. I particularly love the money can’t buy butterflies part. Like you said, if I’m “irritated by his mere existence,” buying me things he thinks will make me happy, will NOT give him the relationship he desires!

    Liked by 1 person

    • In the case of the guy I am referring too, its gotten to the point where the Friend Zone isn’t even an option anymore. I honestly tried to say goodbye nicely but he just kept on, and on, and on asking me stupid questions like whether he is special ?!!?!

      Its sad because these guys do try so hard but its impossible for them to create chemistry. I hope there is a happy place for them somewhere.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sounds like you are determined to do it the hard way …painted bar stools lol. Ok take it or leave it….when you know who you are then you will know what you will attract.

    Like

    • I am not doing it the hard way. The bar stools are keeping me entertained and away from the Tinder Boys, which is a good thing because otherwise a the rate I’m going, they’ll put me off men for life and I’ll end up leading a sad and lonely life, where I drown my sorrows on cheap booze and get eaten by Alsatians 😉

      Like

  6. Good for you! A little man diet never hurt anyone! Take this time to focus on you…. You totally deserve it. All the tinder boys will be there when you come back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sure glad I’m settled now with my soul mate 20+ years and counting. Not all rainbows but it will do. In my younger days went around the love merry-go-round so many times that I thought I’d lose my mind and a nunnery would have looked like a haven where I could re cooperate for awhile and come to my senses again. Enjoyed reading this.

    Like

  8. […] Having read snippets of Modern Romance in the Guardian and Time Magazine, I was eager to get my hands on a copy. The reviews promised a Freaknomics type analysis about trends in 21st century love land covering similar topics to those we’ve blogged about on RinseBeforeUse such as how technology and internet dating is changing the the way we date and why people (like #englishrosiee) often get to the point where they find dating exhausting. […]

    Liked by 1 person

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