I don’t know a girl who hasn’t ever have the dubious pleasure of dealing with an overly attached guy, the so called stalker. We joke about them, we write about them but deep inside we’re just scared of them.
He’s usually the guy that we swiped right on Tinder because he looks “decent”. He’s not super handsome but his looks don’t make us cringe either. He may have some puppies on his profile pictures and yet we don’t seem to know what any kid knows at the age of 5 – don’t go anywhere with the man who brags about his puppies. Most probably he also has some pictures with his friends on and maybe one of him doing something he’s passionate about. In brief, he’s a totally dateable guy in theory. In theory, because in reality, he’s a stalker.
There’s nothing less attractive in a person than desperation and an overly attached guy represents a very particular type of it – a desperation to be loved and liked. In the heart of absolute commitment after a few minute online exchange lies not interest in us but the fear that we won’t be interested in them. Let’s be honest, however hot and smart we are all the overly attached guy sees in us is only possible takers of the girlfriend vacancy. He’ll choose one trait that makes us “so special”, usually beauty, and keep nagging us till eventually he gives up and moves on to his another very special (read pretty) victim.
A stalker, being a guy who tries too hard, naturally switches on a red light in a female’s brain. He looks ok, he has something to say, he has a job. Why is he trying to convince me about being cool so badly (and in so many text messages)? Surely, there’s something wrong with him. Once we reached that conclusion a guy who dressed up as an Indian prince for the first date ceases to be a potential interest. Our mindset has changed and we decided that there’s something wrong with him. Once he feels we’re slipping out of his stalkerish grasp he tries even harder. You haven’t replied to his message on whatsapp? There’s still your Facebook (he can send a message even if you’re not friends) and your email (how difficult can it be to find it?) he can use. A Stalker won’t take a no for an answer and he’ll make sure that you remember about him in most of your waking life (and in a restraining order case even in night life). If you don’t want a relationship with him and you tell him that, he says that’s fine too. After all you can be just friends (till he hopefully corners you into a relationship that is).
Don’t go for a stalker, my Love, not even as a friend. If someone’s getting too much, make it as clear as possible as fast as possible that there will be NOTHING between you and stick to your decision regardless of how tempting it is to get a little bit of male attention for a tiny self-esteem boost. Then change your locks as a precaution and go on with your life.