The Overly Attached Guy AKA The Stalker

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I don’t know a girl who hasn’t ever have the dubious pleasure of dealing with an overly attached guy, the so called stalker. We joke about them, we write about them but deep inside we’re just scared of them.

He’s usually the guy that we swiped right on Tinder because he looks “decent”. He’s not super handsome but his looks don’t make us cringe either. He may have some puppies on his profile pictures and yet we don’t seem to know what any kid knows at the age of 5 – don’t go anywhere with the man who brags about his puppies. Most probably he also has some pictures with his friends on and maybe one of him doing something he’s passionate about. In brief, he’s a totally dateable guy in theory. In theory, because in reality, he’s a stalker.

There’s nothing less attractive in a person than desperation and an overly attached guy represents a very particular type of it – a desperation to be loved and liked. In the heart of absolute commitment after a few minute online exchange lies not interest in us but the fear that we won’t be interested in them. Let’s be honest, however hot and smart we are all the overly attached guy sees in us is only possible takers of the girlfriend vacancy. He’ll choose one trait that makes us “so special”, usually beauty, and keep nagging us till eventually he gives up and moves on to his another very special (read pretty) victim.

A stalker, being a guy who tries too hard, naturally switches on a red light in a female’s brain. He looks ok, he has something to say, he has a job. Why is he trying to convince me about being cool so badly (and in so many text messages)? Surely, there’s something wrong with him. Once we reached that conclusion a guy who dressed up as an Indian prince for the first date ceases to be a potential interest. Our mindset has changed and we decided that there’s something wrong with him. Once he feels we’re slipping out of his stalkerish grasp he tries even harder. You haven’t replied to his message on whatsapp? There’s still your Facebook (he can send a message even if you’re not friends) and your email (how difficult can it be to find it?) he can use. A Stalker won’t take a no for an answer and he’ll make sure that you remember about him in most of your waking life (and in a restraining order case even in night life). If you don’t want a relationship with him and you tell him that, he says that’s fine too. After all you can be just friends (till he hopefully corners you into a relationship that is).

Don’t go for a stalker, my Love, not even as a friend. If someone’s getting too much, make it as clear as possible as fast as possible that there will be NOTHING between you and stick to your decision regardless of how tempting it is to get a little bit of male attention for a tiny self-esteem boost. Then change your locks as a precaution and go on with your life.

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30 comments

  1. EnglishRosiee · June 9, 2015

    You hit the nail on the head with this…I’ll share more about my recent experiences on Thursday. But yes, once one of these overly-attached types comes into your life it is very difficult to get rid of them….I made the mistake of thinking I could utilize clingy guys for my own purposes, and boy did the backfire in my face.

    No matter how much you enjoy the attention and the fact that it boosts your ego – don’t do it. The point will come where you want to get rid of him (believe me, it will come sooner rather than later) and you’ll regret the day you ever swiped right for the fool.

    Oh and believe me, Friend-Zoning is NOT possible with these types…you might be better off considering your options for emigration.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · June 9, 2015

      Friend zoning in the overly attached guy’s opinion is a waiting room to a relationship. Even if you try to mistreat them, they’ll just come back for more. There’s no other way then just burn the bridge between you entirely.

      Like

      • EnglishRosiee · June 9, 2015

        You are right. We try our best to b decent ppl and and use the softly softly approach but they just don’t get it. What else is there left to do but be a biatch.

        Like

      • zlotybaby · June 10, 2015

        But then the biatch makes them even more clingy. There’s really no answer apart from IGNORE.

        Like

      • EnglishRosiee · June 10, 2015

        Guess its kinda a similar dynamic between good girls and bad boys. Except I think the bad boys wanna keep us around…when we play the biatch card with the overly attached we want him GONE. It never works. I am learning this as we speak.

        Like

      • zlotybaby · June 10, 2015

        Good point, but I’d rather say that bad boys don’t care about the results of their asshole behaviors.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. thelm007 · June 9, 2015

    Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attentionby an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related toharassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them. The word stalking is used, with some differing meanings, in psychology andpsychiatry and also in some legaljurisdictions as a term for a criminal offense.

    According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, “virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking,”[1] although in practice the legal standard is usually somewhat stricter.
    I thought a definition would add positively to your post,
    The point, be weary of and stay away from stalkers is important, people need to be cautious and aware of the dangers when meeting with someone they met on the net.

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · June 9, 2015

      Thank you for your comment – it’s highly relevant. My post was quite humorous and described a behavior that happen often, yet in most cases doesn’t end up as dangerous. There’s, however, a true danger that such a person will develop an obsession and this isn’t a joking matter.

      Like

    • EnglishRosiee · June 9, 2015

      Thanks for the definition. The type of ‘stalkers’ #zlotybaby is talking about are not the ones wanted by the CIA. They are just poor souls that want to be loved. But sadly girls like us can’t like like guys like them. Overly attached guys are pretty harmless in the grand scheme but irritating nonetheless. But yes as she says, our blog is pretty humorous…we try not to take ourselves too seriously. After all its just a bit of light entertainment not a PhD thesis 😉 Thanks for enlightening us though. X

      Like

      • zlotybaby · June 10, 2015

        Poor souls that want to be loved no matter by whom, let me add. The main point is their obsession doesn’t have too much to do with the victim.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · June 10, 2015

        I agree. They’ll wine and dine any ‘victim’ that shows them the slightest bit of attention.

        Like

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  4. j2mazou · June 11, 2015

    The question is, how do you friend-zone these people when they don’t understand when you tell them nicely…?? How brutal do you have to be before it’ll sink in??

    Liked by 1 person

  5. EnglishRosiee · June 11, 2015

    Chick, I dunno how to get through to these dudes. You start off by letting them down gently. They don’t get the hint. Then talk about other men you like like. They don’t get the hint. Then you start talking about your ex. They STILL don’t get the hint. You direct them to a blog post subtly referring to them. They STILL STILL STILL don’t get they hint. You yell at them for using up all your data by sending you stupid pictures. BUT STILL…you get where I am going right?

    Sometimes I feel that the dangerous ones might be easier to handle, at least you can palm the problem off onto the CIA. A problem shared and all…with these harmless but annoying ones you are left to FIGHT alone !!!

    Like

    • zlotybaby · June 11, 2015

      I think saying “I’m not interested. Full stop” and not getting involved into any further conversations proves more effective than hinting 😉

      Like

      • EnglishRosiee · June 11, 2015

        I theory. But what about when they try all modes of social media to let you know they still think about you…whatsapp, fb, instagram, twitter…even your frigging blog. You gotta give it the overly attached one – they are always persistent. x

        Like

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  7. Nortina S. · June 23, 2015

    I had the displeasure of dating this type for almost a year, and you’ve described him perfectly! He didn’t start showing his stalker tendencies until after I graduated from college and moved back home. I guess he couldn’t keep as tight of a grasp on me 2 hrs. away. You’re right about it being almost impossible to get rid of them. I tried to break up with this guy on numerous occasions & he would convince me that all we needed was a break. So I would ask him to give me two weeks. This man couldn’t even last a day before he was calling me, texting me, messaging me on various social media sites (twitter, Facebook, instagram, LinkedIn, email, etc.) saying things like “When can we end this break? Don’t I do everything to make you happy? You can’t leave me if I make you happy!” And the part of overdoing things…. one time he took me to the Adam and Eve store to buy some toys because he thought I wasn’t sexually attracted to him anymore all because I didn’t want to have sex ONE NIGHT! I cannot make this shit up! You gotta watch out for this type. They’re also the kind that would intentionally try to get you pregnant just to ensure you’ll stay with him forever. Ugh! Get a life!

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · June 23, 2015

      Thanks for the comment and your story. Wow! I’m happy that this guy is just a memory for you now and something you can hopefully laugh about. I imagine it was much less fun when it was happening, but hey, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger 😉. As hurtful as the break up must have been for the guy at that time he should have understood that not being a match is something that cannot be fixed and going more clingy will not only make you run away even further but also ruin the fond memories you had. I thought only chicks would try to get a baby to keep someone attached?!? Clearly I was wrong. Scary.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nortina S. · June 23, 2015

        I talked to a friend of mine about the pregnancy trap thing, and he said that guys do it more often than we realize. That’s kind of disturbing. Anyway, I’m glad I was finally able to escape. I blame Hollywood for the creation of these “stalkers” types. So many people base relationships off what they see in the movies, as if a movie is a reflection of real life and not fantasy. It amazes me how gullible people are! LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

      • zlotybaby · June 23, 2015

        You’re so right. I remember reading an interview with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in which he said that what fans tell him most often is complaining about their lives not being like in this or that movie he starred in. He was surprised that anyone would even expect reality to be movie like, it should be clear that these are two different worlds. I think you’ve just given me a post idea btw, thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nortina S. · June 23, 2015

        Well I’m glad I could serve as inspiration for you! 🙂

        Like

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