As much as I idolise Carrie Bradshaw, my wardrobe is more Woolies than Versace and my shoes are more Mr Price than Manolo Blahnik. When you are earning Rands you need to make do as a no-name fashionista.
Anyway, what I am getting at here is that while I am no fashion expert, I do believe that what you wear is important and never more so than for single guys/gals trying to manoeuvre their way around the Cape Town dating scene. First impressions count, and much of that is decided by the clothes you wear. So here are my humble tips for guys looking to win the heart of a fair maiden…
Suited and Booted
Maybe it’s just the Londoner in me, but I love a man in a suit. Sadly, we don’t see enough of them in Cape Town where board shorts and flip flops seem to be the height of fashion. Dressing up gives the ladies the impression that a bloke has a high-powered position and cash to splash (many women do have a Christian Grey fantasy).
To highlight my point, I lived with a Goth dude at university and once told him the only way he would be allowed out in my world (of all things glittery and fabulous) would be if he wore a suit. After a lame protest saying that the only suit he owned was one he’d purchased for his grandmother’s funeral, he eventually gave in to my demands. Let’s just say he’d never seen so many girls ready to drop their panties for him than in the club that night.
Shoes for Shorties
There is no doubt that being short is a major disadvantage for a man trying to win a girl’s affections (this is made worse if he spends the whole date making short jokes about himself).
However, there is only one thing that vertically-challenged men can do in such a situation and that is to embrace their disability. I mean if they can’t distract you with their wit and charm then they can at least be skillful enough to stand on a step or offer the girl a bar stool, so he can reduce the impact of the height issue.
If you ever find yourself crushing on some short elderly troll, I hope you have a friend like #zlotybaby who reminds you to check out his shoes. Remember, if there is one thing women are obsessed with its shoes. We notice good/bad shoes on our friends, on randoms and we’ll most definitely notice a man in HEELS. And wearing them will only serve to remind us of how short he really is.
Don’t make assumptions. Just because a chick looks like chapatti, doesn’t mean she has any real inclination towards men from the Indian subcontinent.
I once went on a couple of dates with a lily white dude that decided that because of my ethnicity I would be truly impressed that he had embarked on a 200 hour yoga teacher training course (I’m the somewhat physically challenged girl who sits in child’s pose for the whole of class), then takes me out to an Indian restaurant (cos if I was actually Indian, I wouldn’t be getting enough curry at home) and the pièce de résistance – he turns up on Valentine’s Day dressed up as Aladdin (maybe in his warped mind, dressing like an Indian Prince was guaranteed to make any ‘Indian’ princess go weak at the knees).
Oh and if that wasn’t bad enough he teams his costume with trainers. As far as I concerned, trainers (or takkies as they call them here in SA) are for sport. Nothing else. Unless of course you are chav (a big part of me escaping the UK, so I don’t plan on dating any of them here), in which case they go rather well with a fake Adidas tracksuit.
So guys, I hope my no-name fashionista tips help you get laid. Now rinsers tell us in the comments on what you love/hate to see a potential lover wearing on a date.