Life in the Friend Zone

Friend Zone

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I very much doubt I will be meeting my Prince Charming on Tinder or OKCupid. Maybe it’s because I’m a hopeless romantic who wants an epic love story that I can tell my grandchildren (not that one which starts ’Once upon a time I was walking down Long Street…’ is much better than a technologically savvy alternative). However, I continue to use internet dating sites and apps because I believe they serve a purpose. Namely, to widen your social circle (and possibly connect you with potential new wing person) which in turn could assist in creating the chance encounter whereby you meet The One.

However, in a single girl’s quest for love there is always bound to be some collateral damage. While there are guys that you’ll never want to see again (have I mentioned the serial killer?), from my experience there are many many more that you want to keep around, not for romantic reasons, but for various other tasks such as fixing cars (reoccurring theme I know), advice on DIY or  some light entertainment. And it is for this reason we have that weird area which exists somewhere between LOVE and a restraining order, the place known as the FRIEND ZONE.

Although it may sound like serendipitous place, in reality, life in the Friend Zone isn’t all that peachy. In some cases Friend Zoning a bloke is fairly straightforward. For instance, when you meet a guy the night before the Cape Argus Cycle Tour, who biked all the way from Blighty to Cape Town and it’s totally obvious to both of you that the only part of him that you are interested in is his bike.  Furthermore, the fact that he is only in town for a short while and you are just not that despo for a round of bedroom yoga (after all there’s that 47km cycle race the next day) seals the deal. He is locked in the Friends Zone and you are free to throw away the key.

Then there are those cases that are not so clear cut. The good Church guy (comes with a kid= baggage. Eww) who you meet every couple of months for a coffee and believes there is hope for a relationship because he can give you a sandwich toaster (he promised a washing machine) and spend ‘quality time’ with (read waiting for) you to arrive at Cape International Airport. Or the dude who ignores a blatant double parking stunt, continues to listen to all your relationship woes, tells you how he has worked his way through all the ethnicities in the rainbow nation and then still has the audacity to question when, where, how and why you Friend Zoned him.

Being on the receiving end of a Friend Zoning is not much fun either, I have to admit. Especially when, like me, you are into those silver foxes, old enough to be you father, thereby technically putting you in the Daughter Zone. I mean it’s pretty hard to figure out the answer to the million dollar question of ‘What are we?’, when one minute the guy is giving you butterflies and foot-popping kisses and the next he is stroking your head, telling you that he is a glad you are a good girl not like your slutty friends, offering advice on where to buy furniture and insisting on driving (with no epic declarations of love) to the airport, as one would expect from any good Dad.

Now rinsers/readers over to you. Please share you advice/experiences on Friend-Zoning.

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23 comments

  1. bklynboy59 · May 21, 2015

    In 17 days I will be marrying my one and only, we met on a dating site, saw each others profile and started out making small talk. I decided to ask for her phone number so we can talk and text off line just in case that one of us(Her) decided to not check on their profile regularly. This turned into would you like to go out on a date which turned into by date two, each of us taking down our profiles and by date 3 knowing we wanted to date only each other. So before you go hating on line dating you can find that special one. Or as I refer to as my one and only.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · May 21, 2015

      CONGRATS !!! It is always great to hear a happily-ever-after story – its gives the cynics like me at least some hope.

      And I am not hating on internet dating sites, I just find them a bit monotonous. Guys asking you the same old questions, over and over. Still, there are a few gems that have managed to capture my attention…so I won’t be giving up on the internet anytime soon. 🙂

      Like

      • bklynboy59 · May 21, 2015

        Good! The problem unless we ask question s that we all have heard before how else are we going to know how to get to the good stuff without asking the same old same old….

        And yes there is hope with on line dating you can find that special one. The reason it worked for me is because I work nights and so I sleep days and didn’t get to meet people as much so on line dating was the way for me to at least meet people when I wasn’t working or sleeping and gave me something to look forward to on the weekends. The key to whatever method you use to date and meet people is to know yourself first and know what you really want so you can start eliminating ones that don’t work for you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · May 21, 2015

        Think you hit the nail on the head. I might need to a bit more picky with the ones I date. Problem has been I’ve said to myself dating is a numbers game so I will date anyone till I find The One. This has meant an awful lot of dates with no chemistry (OK convo, because I can pretty much talk anyones ear off but no chemistry) which has subsequently resulted in most of these poor fools being Friend Zoned.

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · May 21, 2015

        Why not make it easy for your self an put expectations for any man interested in you? Or try simply knowing what type of man you want to attract? Currently the way you are doing it now you are attracting any and everything and that’s not working for you. So time to be more direct.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EnglishRosiee · May 21, 2015

        Yup all I get is a lot of friends. But like I said, friends have their uses 🙂

        Like

      • bklynboy59 · May 21, 2015

        But is that what you really want is to use others?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. EnglishRosiee · May 21, 2015

    No not necessarily. But sometimes its just easier than totally kicking him to the curb. There was this one dude though that was too sweet and innocent and I had to tell him straight up that I wasn’t interested. But most are fun to have around for the odd drink here and there and who knows they might have some eligible friends. 🙂

    Like

  3. Debbie · May 21, 2015

    Things I’ve learned having experienced the friend zone! 😉

    Most guys are simple minded. If he doesn’t take your relationship to the next level then you’re doom to be friendzoned. And honestly, if you’re put in this position the only thing you can do is just to accept it and move on so you won’t drowned by bitterness.

    Same goes if you friendzone somebody. There’s no turning back. If you realize in the end you made a mistake regret will eat you up.

    Life goes on. If it didn’t happen the way you imagine love will be then it’s not yet for you. You’ll experience hardship on moving on (it took me two years to moved on from somebody. Haha. Too long? Even I asked myself how did I survived the why’s and what ifs for so long) but live is a wonderful experience so better not get hanged up on something in the past and missed what a new love can bring. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. EnglishRosiee · May 21, 2015

    But sometimes these guys Friend/Daughter Zone a girl but still get their flirt on with you from time to time. Licking the cake, as #zlotybaby would say. So moving swiftly on is actually easier said than done. But I get what you are saying.

    Also I don’t think once your Friend Zone’d life is over… I think its just a chance to up your game. I think all the good guys live in the Friend Zone so when us girls are ready to settle down and get married will revisit that place.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Debbie · May 24, 2015

      That is so true. When guys keeps on flirting when you were friendzoned already.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Nortina S. · May 21, 2015

    I think I just recently got friend-zoned. Although he hasn’t said it to my face yet, I sense it coming. I won’t be bitter about it. I like having guy friends. It’d be nice to have some I don’t sleep with, not that that happens often! Haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · May 25, 2015

      They rarely tell you to your face. They just carry on giving you glimmers of hope and then breaking your spirit until you figure it out for yourself. Been there, done that.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Marquess Thompson · May 21, 2015

    I feel for you. 😅

    Like

  7. Ann Onymous · May 22, 2015

    Friend Zoning:
    Every time I’ve rejected a guy, I’ve “friend zoned them”. It’s not right that I lose friends because they decided that if they can’t be in a relationship with me then friendship is out of the question! I’m tired of being a “bitch” because I rejected someone and an even bigger bitch because I friend zoned them!

    Like

  8. EnglishRosiee · May 25, 2015

    Yup … Why do we have to always be the bad ones. We are just extending our social circles after all. 🙂

    Like

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