Can a First Kiss Predict the Future ?

foot-popping kiss

“You know, in the old movies whenever a girl would get seriously kissed, her foot would just kind of… pop.”– The Princess Diaries (2001)

As cheesy as this movie is (I am not afraid to admit that I loved it), Princess Mia had a point. Even though foot-popping kisses might not always be practical (balancing on one foot with your eyes closed is not really advisable especially if you’re the type of girl who has a tendency to get drunk and tumble down stairs) the first kiss should be a pretty momentous event. While some people might argue that it’s Hollywood that’s given girls these misguided ideas, I speak from experience when I say that first kisses do lay the foundation for the future success (or lack thereof) of a relationship.

Unless you are one of those rare species that allows every kiss to progress to bedroom acrobatics, the nature of that first kiss can be used to indicate whether he’ll be getting lucky with you anytime soon.

The Inconvenient PDA

Everyone loves to announce their hatred of PDAs, but in reality this is just jealousy because people are either single (and just looking for someone to love them) or in some boring loveless relationship (where they sleep in separate beds and dream of the bad boy that got away). You have to admit that there is something nice about having a guy kiss you in public. The fact that he can’t keep his hands off you, usually means there is intense chemistry (or that he is one hell of a desperado that hasn’t had any action in a millennium). While they are often inconvenient (he might have to awkwardly drag you across a table or have you almost break your neck doing some sort of drunken yoga move), these kisses are the ones that give you butterflies and even if they don’t mark the beginning of an epic half-decade long love affair they’ll at least leave you grinning like a Cheshire cat.

The PG13 Kiss of Obligation

The date has been mediocre. He hasn’t done anything to offend you. In fact he might have actually been somewhat sweet for Afrikaaner Bible Boy – attempting to rescue you when your car broke down but just missing the opportunity to be your knight in shining armour because by the time he arrived you’d already fluttered your eyelashes and found another hottie to change the tyre. While you know this isn’t the fairytale ending (more PG13 than Christian Grey Mummy Porn) that you’d envisioned, when he leans for the kiss you let him have it because he is not a total troll and it’s not your place to break his spirit. But at the end of the day there’s no spark and you go home feeling like you can now relate to the ladies of the Red Light district (at least on some level).

The Face Rape/Kiss Dodge

Some might criticise the British man’s tendency to announce the fact that he is going to kiss a girl (it’s not only Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones that does this. It happens real life too) but there are times when a girl really does need some warning before a toad sticks his tongue down her neck. These are often the most unexpected of kisses that catch you off guard. In most instances, he is a bumbling buffoon who has spent the date offending you (or talking about God) and despite the five glasses of wine you’ve downed you still find him as vulgar as ever. On the occasions when one can pre-empt the predators move then the manoeuvre known as the kiss dodge can be used (something, as #zlotybaby will tell you, we’ve been mastering since childhood when trying to avoid physical interactions with those over-amorous aunties and pervy uncles of ours). However, there are going to be instances where face rape will occur completely out of the blue and the night will end with the girl feeling completely violated and giving serious consideration to the idea of joining a convent.

So the moral of the story is … first kisses are important in laying down foundations for the future so any potential love interest needs to be able to read the situation and act accordingly. Guys, don’t assume that by buying us a beer you’ll automatically be getting some tongue action. And ladies, as much as I always say we are going to have to kiss a few frogs before we find our Prince, don’t ever sell your soul to a complete toad and always continue chasing the kisses that give your butterflies.

Now rinsers/readers show us some love by sharing your stories about your first smooch experiences in comments below.

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30 comments

  1. Psammie · May 14, 2015

    Lol. Nice post. My first kiss.. Hmmmm. Happened @ my house and it was cool by apparently she wasn’t the one. Like she’s not the one I’m with right now. #gonna have to reblog this. 🙂 loving it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · May 14, 2015

      I never promised that a good first kiss would lead to happily-ever-after, I just think its a necessary foundation for any half-decent relationship/fling/friends with benefits/one nighter 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Psammie · May 14, 2015

    Reblogged this on PSAMMYST and commented:
    Visited another wordpress user and saw this and I liked it, so thought I should share with you guys. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bklynboy59 · May 14, 2015

    Reblogged this on One Man's Opinion.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · May 14, 2015

      Thanks 🙂 Liked your kissing frogs post too. Its good to get both sides of the story!

      Like

      • bklynboy59 · May 14, 2015

        Thank you. Know what you are attracting, know who you are attracting and know what you really want

        Liked by 1 person

    • LIve ClareLesley · May 28, 2015

      Well now I have to go read the mans side too! I must admit I do believe it’s true. The intentions of the first kiss do pave the way. To where? Who knows but it’s a good sneak peak. When I was writing “kissing is personal” it’s what I had in mind.
      Keep up that fresh blogging! Great read xx~LL

      Liked by 1 person

  4. EnglishRosiee · May 14, 2015

    True. But don’t beat yourself up if you kiss a frog or twelve in the process of finding out what you want. 🙂

    Like

  5. Patricia M · May 14, 2015

    If a guy can’t kiss (mushy, wants you to swallow his tongue, etc) then there is no more point for pursuing a relationship. I ran a red light one time just to get rid of a bad kisser… that and the roads were icy and no one was around. Even when the kissing is good, I am not a fan of PDAs, but then again, I probably was moving towards not liking the guy already (I have a short interest span).

    Liked by 2 people

    • EnglishRosiee · May 14, 2015

      Well said. You make me LOL but try not to kill yourself trying to get away from the bad kissers. Frogs are generally pretty harmless 😉

      Like

  6. AnnMarie Roselli-Kissack · May 14, 2015

    To write about first kisses, employing humor to bridge this powerful gap is perfect. If we don’t laugh, we do cry. This was quite an entertaining read. Good luck in your love quest. There are all kinds of people in the world and not all of them are amphibians;)
    annmarie:)

    Liked by 2 people

  7. EnglishRosiee · May 15, 2015

    Thanks 🙂 I will keep an eye out for the less amphibious ones 😉 They are hard to find though 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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  21. Olive Kragt · January 11

    Hi! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be ok. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.|

    Like

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