Lowwwe and d@ting

imageWe pretty much live “on the web”. We do Facebook, we google, we Instagram. It was inevitable for love and dating to go online too. According to studies, one third of American marriages start online. Nevertheless, Cape Town seems to be still somehow conservative about this way of meeting romantic partners.

Many young people don’t want to be restricted in their lives by possibility of meeting someone with common interests in real life and want to increase their chances by joining Internet communities of their choice. Couchsurfing (travelers community), internations (expat community) or meet up (for those wanting to meet people with similar interests of all sorts) are flourishing. The fact is that many of the users are single and even though they claim to be only looking for friends they are, in fact, looking for partners, even if temporary ones (as in case of the hook-up seekers). Why are they not open about it? Since there seems to be a certain stigma related to active looking for a partner (being desperate, needy and dependent), which is a reason why many people pretend they’re not (and that being single makes them shit with rainbows). Those who judge tend to disregard the difference between wanting a partner (and a certain kind of a partner too) and needing a partner (and anyone will do, and if they’re missing an eye it’s fine too – pol. o jednym oku, byle tego roku) and therefore many choose to hide their true needs.

Because of the abovementioned, Tinder is generally considered to be an acceptable dating application. After all, most of people using it are only checking it out, looking for new friends or purely interested in hook-ups. Nearly none of the users admits that they may be looking for something serious. The effect is that Tinder ends up being full of women with aspirations of finding their husbands and men looking for a pleasurable pastime that wouldn’t require too much commitment (due to reasons such as wife ownership or commitment phobia). After all, if the person turns out to be too demanding, there are many others willing to be swiped right and who won’t be silly with their needeness for respect.

Maybe it’s bad Tinder experiences that bring people to dating websites, maybe not. Whatever it is, the number of people using them is overwhelming. As an attractive woman one gets so much attention its creepy and let’s be honest, most of this attention is of low quality with “hi sexy” and similar opening lines. Sometimes, however, a true gem can be found among all the superficial spam. Someone with whom we can chat for hours before we eventually meet them to learn that there’s also chemistry (which is a much better order than attraction first, thinking next – pol. od dupy strony). Maybe this is the reason why via Internet dating we can end up in a solid relationship – it just seems that there are better chances of having something real with someone who has the gutts to say that they’re looking for a true and lasting connection. And if we do end up working out with this person who can ever judge us for how the story started?

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62 comments

  1. I was willing to look for love where ever I could find it. It just so happened to be on a dating website. She turned out to be the love of my life. So it is possible that not all experiences on the internet are bad and not all are nuts, desparate or wacky.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I absolutely agree. However, one should still be aware of the dangers of Internet dating (especially as a woman), the topic which I entirely omitted in this post just because for personal reasons I feel quite positive about Internet dating in general 😉

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      • Good point. I find as one gets older and busier with work its harder to meet people, so internet dating becomes a more appealing option. But even though its practical, I think its sad to a certain extent because I don’t think you can really replicate that spark you have when you meet someone you like spontaneously.

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  2. I have mixed feelings about internet dating. I’ve only recently embraced this phenomenon. I think the main problem with this stigma is that people need to use these apps more pragmatically. I personally don’t expect to find my future hubby on Tinder (not that it is unheard of). I’d personally like a more organic love story to tell my grandchildren. However, I’ve met lots of really cool guys (and even more weirdos) online and I think its a great way to extend your social circle, which in turn could lead a girl to the love of her life.

    At the end of the day, I think its better to be open to these things that sit around at home criticising and hating on all those that are out there looking for love while you just hang out with the the kitties for the rest of your life. Theres nothing to lose and everything to gain 🙂

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  3. […] Tinder has multiple purposes depending on an individual’s objectives. Some people believe their love story will start “Once upon a time I swiped right…” While the majority use it to find their next hook-up (not always the wisest idea in AIDS-ridden South Africa). Then you have the cheeky prudes like myself who use Tinder purely for the purposes of networking (who am I kidding ;)). […]

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  4. […] Internet dating wasn’t something that had crossed my mind 6 years ago when I was last single in London Town. As a young(er) twenty something with better things to do than sit behind a computer screen scouting for men, why waste my time carefully crafting an OKC Profile when it’s easier to find a bloke (and get him to buy you some ridiculously overpriced drinks) while out partying (or even on the night bus home)? However, I do regret that I never did the dating thing in the Big Smoke. There is after all something lovely about the anonymity that comes with living in a big city. You can date (or drop panties with), pretty much whoever and whatever you want, without anyone ever finding out (as long as you don’t go publicising your amazing night of passion of Facebook). […]

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  5. […] Ah, if only it were that easy. You’d think the fact that you no longer needed to have the ability to put together a Shakespearian sonnet (or simply string a sentence together coherently) would work in favour of the nice-but-dim sorts, but sadly this is not the case. There are still people out there that can’t seem to master the art of uploading a few favourable pictures of themselves onto an online dating platform. […]

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  6. […] Ah, if only it were that easy. You’d think the fact that you no longer needed to have the ability to put together a Shakespearian sonnet (or simply string a sentence together coherently) would work in favour of the nice-but-dim sorts, but sadly this is not the case. There are still people out there that can’t seem to master the art of uploading a few favourable pictures of themselves onto an online dating platform. […]

    Like

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