Its fair to say I am a bit of a hopeless romantic (after all I did throw caution to wind and move to South Africa on a whim for the first guy who gave me a second look). I’d like live in a fairytale world where life is all hearts and flowers and there are no cheaters, beaters, paedos or general dodge people, just puppies and pretty dresses. But there is one thing wrong with this picture and it’s that this particular good girl (and there are a lot of others like her) keeps letting BAD boys/men (remember I like those Silver Foxes) enter her little Kingdom of glitter and cupcakes.
It’s not easy to define a bad boy. Being bad doesn’t necessarily mean he is a drug merchant or serial killer (although I did go on a very brief Tinder date with someone who could have given Norman Bates a run for his money). On the lower end of the scale, you have those that may have just had a bit of a hard time in life (i.e. their folks got divorced which resulted in them being averse to wholesome relationships) or maybe they were just naughty at school, somehow wangled their way into university and then dropped out (although dating a guy with a limited education will have its own problems it doesn’t necessarily make them bad husband material).On initial examination, these ones seem pretty harmless, just a little rough round the edges.
At the other end of the spectrum, you have the real Lotharios, those that are attractive and know it. In most cases it’s not their good looks that grab the attention of our innocent young minds but more their blasé attitude. These are the ones you really need to worry about. They’ll spot that impressionable student girl dancing the night away in a club and flatter her telling her how beautiful she is, ply her with a few too many drinks and next thing you know they are telling her the bank went bust and now they want her to wire the bulk of her student loan into their account. She’ll later find it was to pay for his kid’s school fees or his wife’s trip to Sierra Leone. True Story.
Then there are those that don’t quite fit any generic system. These are actually the worst of all. They are the clever ones that can read a good girl and play MIND GAMES with her. They pretend to be nice and make her feel special. Once they have won her affections, they disappear. If she starts to get on with her life, they reappear and make their smooth moves again. And so the cycle goes until she is left brokenhearted.
So, despite being aware of all the red flags, why do good girls like yours truly have a penchant for these bad boys? Well, here are some of the reasons I think why the bad boys always win:
a) There is a rebel in every good girl and the fact that our friends advise us against going for a douche bag simply sends us running into their arms.
b) Women like projects whether it’s the Two Oceans Marathon, the Argus Cycle Tour or simply the next player that walks past. The mother hen in us thinks we can fix them and we convince ourselves that these broken people sort themselves out for us. But believe me ladies, it’s not going to happen. In the end we just waste our time boosting their fragile egos and getting them ready for their next conquest, while our biological clocks tick away.
c) It’s the thrill of the chase. We like what we can’t have. We like the challenge of trying to catch that emotionally unavailable dude. But let’s face it girls, you better have your best pair of Nikes on as you are going to be running after him for a hell of a long time.
d) Nice guys are boring. We know that they’ll always be there for a girl when we need help moving house or changing that flat tyre. But the bad ones keep us on our toes so on the rare occasion when they do something vaguely decent, it makes us feel special and as if we are their one and only (but the truth is we never are, bad boys have a million different girls waiting in the wings).
In the end, bad boys give us good stories (and butterflies). Its futile telling Miss Goody Two Shoes to steer clear of them because she never will. However, just be aware of what your getting yourself into and don’t ever let the ways of the bad boy take away your sweetness turning you into that bitter old women that swears off men for life and resigns herself to a life with her cats, the only people(!) that she can trust to never break her heart. .
Please enlighten us dear readers/rinsers with your advice on handling bad boys in the comments below.