We recently got into a new relationship and things are going great. We’re happy clappy most of the time (we may even feel tempted to join a religious congregation or NOT) and we would like to be nowhere else than with our new partner. There seems to be no clouds on the horizon and then, eventually the inevitable happens and we learn that our ex is dating someone too.
The Shock, the Horror! Regardless, of the fact that we moved on, we somehow feel upset. We were allowed to find someone else, obviously, but was our ex also entitled to do so? Even though we know that he/she deserves happiness as anyone else, at some egoistic level we feel that they should have kept pining for us till the end of their lives and we treat the fact that they didn’t as a personal insult of some sort.
Our ego has been hurt, hence the comparison inevitably follows. Is she prettier or in any other conceivable way better than me? Surely, she cannot be. With delight we listen to our friends encounters with our Replacement – she has an additional kilo or two, she could work on her style, etc. We also try to silence the tiny voice that’s telling us that even if she was the hottest piece of ass in the world, their loyalty to us would make them see the flaws only and if they weren’t too obvious they would forcefully find them.
What is it truly, however, that makes us feel so much not at ease with our former partners getting sorted? The inevitability of change and the fact that now it’s all done and dusted. We both moved on and it’s the official end of the story. Our new partners may make us so much happier and may be our true match but there’ll always be some bitterness over of a broken heart of before (and whoever is telling you otherwise is lying). The solution seems to be to find peace and disregard the irrational feelings which seem to be a common human experience. At the end of the day, it all worked out for the best for all of the involved, now we can let go and enjoy our new beginning.