It’s very easy to be the best friend anyone could ever want when we’re single. During this period in our lives we just don’t have anything better to do than to spend our Friday evenings getting drunk with our crew and moaning about unfulfilled hopes and unkept promises of our former lovers. Sooner or later, however, one of us finds a new partner and all of a sudden isn’t available anymore to constantly whatsapp or to hang out for hours. Does this mean, however, that we should forget our friends altogether? NO.
The honeymoon stage of a relationship, with the butterflies inevitably present in our stomachs, is the very moment in which we have to set boundaries for a new partner. If our behavior suggests that we’re always available that’s exactly what’s going to be expected from us later on. As much as the only thing we would like to do in the beginning is to sink in our partners’ arms for eternity it’s a) impractical and leads to muscle pains b) boring at some stage and c) extremely rude towards people who were there for us when our current beau/belle didn’t even know we existed.
There’s so much more to life than waiting for a message from our significant other. And when the message finally comes there’s really no less attractive answer to “What have you been up to?” than “Nothing, I’ve just been waiting for you to contact me.” The overly attached attitude can be flattering at the very beginning but gets annoying quite soon. At the end of the day they didn’t develop an interest in a girl/boy who, in life, likes waiting for their romantic partners to text them. They like us as people of our own, with our passions, interests, likes and dislikes. We’re definitely not making our partners happy by putting our lives on hold for them (believe it or not meaning LITERALLY the world to someone is a hell of a responsibility) and if we do, they’re probably dysfunctional psychopaths with jealousy issues, likely to turn us into slices of salami if we don’t live up to their expectations.
Even more importantly, by becoming relationship junkies we’re upsetting our friends. I’ve been ditched for new boyfriends by my friends before and it feels horrible to know that we were nothing more than temporary entertainment on a flight to a new romantic partner. I even feel silly to complain about it as if it was a natural course of events and if I ever do it’s in secret and only with other abandoned toys. The separation continues (maybe occasionally interrupted by a half-hearted “how are you?” message) till eventually, there comes a moment when the novelty of a relationship wears off or even it ends abruptly. Guess, who’s getting a call then?
Dear Reader(ess), life is full of difficult choices but similarly as we know that eating all chocolate from our local Woolies store isn’t the best idea, we should realize that throwing our lives away for a potential Prince Charming can do more harm than good. If the person is trustworthy they’ll want to meet our friends and become a part of our world which we built before we met them, that made us the person that we are. If, however, they turn out to be another frog we kissed, it would be nice to have someone to wipe the tears of defeat from our faces. If I’ve learnt one thing in life, it’s that we can survive without a romantic partner, but without true friends, life really sucks. Please keep this in mind, next time you’re ditching your friends for a last minute date.