Friendly Interference

Film Title: BRIDGET JONES : THE EDGE OF REASON.

When it comes to successful relationships I guess getting any potential beau approved by one’s friends is quite important. After all, these are the people that know you best. They know your crazy side and are able to tolerate it. They’ve held your hair back as you’ve been rather unwell after drinking copious amounts of alcohol. And most importantly they are the people that are there to wipe away your tears and pick you up off the ground (literally) when the douche bag eventually breaks your heart.

However, when it comes to the early stages of a relationship does the involvement (read interference) of your buddies have the potential to do more harm than good? For instance, let’s rewind back to the days when I was a Tinder virgin and a so called friend decided to educate me on the art of swiping by matching me with a one blond haired, blue-eyed German (who was then unfairly referred to as ‘The Nazi’). Another ‘friend’ subsequently decided that an appropriate ice-breaker would be to ask ‘The Nazi’ what his grandfather did during WWII. Thankfully, this guy had a good sense of humour and replied with a pretty amusing story which won him a date with yours truly…but seriously it could have been much worse.

How about when your friends mistakenly think you don’t fancy a guy but you secretly do. After a couple of bottles of champagne these loud-mouth idiots decide to tell this potential suitor that he should ensure he has protection in case the night gets out of hand. The poor guy was under the impression that the outing was purely platonic so BOOM that’s the end of what could have been your happily-ever-after. Thank you friends.

Obviously, in the age of internet dating, it is important to put safety first and let your buddies know exactly where you are going and with whom (if you have really clever friends like I do they will even Google the guy and provide you with his full career history before you embark on any romantic adventure). But then there is always the risk that you’ll spend the whole date messaging your team of protectors instead of actually getting to know the dude, which could be a problem. That being said, if the guy has good game (most likely because he is a Brit and not your average Capetonian), he’ll snatch your phone from you and reply to your buddies telling them that all objectives have been achieved and they should focus on their own love lives instead of being so nosey.

And finally, there is that glorious thing known as ‘The Debrief’. You’ve been on this ever so exciting first date and quite frankly you are a bit smitten. It’s the morning after the night before and you meet up with you Circle of Swipers to discuss the date. Your head is in the clouds, there is a smile on your dial and your dreaming of sailing into the sunset… and then your friends bring you back down to earth with a huge thud by speculating on whether the guy has a wife, questioning why a man of such an age is still single, over-analysing every minute detail of your date and highlighting why it really wasn’t everything you initially thought.

So tell me dearest readers…how important is it for your any future boyfriend/girlfriend to get the friendship seal of approval or can our buddies (even when they really do have your best interests at heart) potentially sabotage our attempts to find true love? How important are they when it comes to pointing out the red flags in your relationships?

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37 comments

  1. Leah · April 6, 2015

    I believe that the advice of friends is important, but I agree with the fact that too early can be detrimental … it’s important to form your own opinion first and then see how the friends interact. It goes both ways, too! If the guy is interested in you, then he should be just as excited to meet your friends and see what they’re like, because they are an important part of your life. I know it can be daunting for guys to face the friends sometimes, but if he’s worth his salt, he won’t have a problem with it. But it’s definitely not appropriate for super strong opinions to come out right away, unless alarm bells are going off in someone’s head (i.e., creepy stalkerish might strangle you in your sleep vibes).

    Liked by 1 person

    • zlotybaby · April 7, 2015

      I’m so with you on making up your mind before you introduce your new boyfriend to your friends. They just have your best interest in mind but can be quite judgemental as well. At an early stage their harsh opinion may completely change your perception of a person.

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. EnglishRosiee · April 7, 2015

    I think its also a case of which friends you introduce your significant other to first. I find there are fewer boundaries between my besties and I and they often feel comfortable expressing their crazy opinions without censoring themselves. Sometimes it might be better for him to meet our ‘coffee friends’ first as they are more likely to be better behaved. That being said, I think if we give our crazy friends a pre-brief and tell them how important the new bloke is, I would hope they’d understand the need to be on their best behavious 😉

    Like

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  6. Patricia M · April 21, 2015

    I guess that I the only feedback that I would be interested in would be finding out if the potential guy has a Jackal & Hyde personality – like they may treat me really well, but that respect falls short on people around. Lots of my friends have introduced me to their potentials, and I rarely would give any of them my stamp of approval. However, unless I think that the guy is creepy or not genuine, I would keep my feelings to myself. It is extremely hard for a guy/girl to be good enough for my friends!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EnglishRosiee · April 21, 2015

      Thats the way it should be. I’d like to think I would do the same. Make my judgments quietly and then maybe discreetly tell my friend why I didn’t like her beau. But I guess my friends prefer the more PROACTIVE approach.

      I think it also depends on what you are after. For instance, if you are pursuing a long-term relationship with the guy then I guess him getting along with your buddies is important but if its a fling then they can basically say and do what they want within reason (as in they can’t jump him – sharing guys is still a big no no).

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